The Beat Goes On
by CJ7
Summary: Vietnam has its secrets, its history, and for the Curtis brother's it wages hell on their family. The world back home changes as Sunny battles in Vietnam. Sometimes the war isn't the worst part.
1. The start of it all

"I'm not fucking going!" I put my book down; well I dropped my book down in shock at Soda's words. He rarely cursed. He was really angry about Sunny putting him in school and not consulting him about it. Actually, I think Soda was mad at Sunny for leaving, but it wasn't like Sunny had a choice. It was weird being the one listening, and not being yelled at. They had been fighting for over a month now because of this. Soda was hopping mad. I never saw him so mad in my entire life.

"Sodapop, I've had enough!" Darry roared. "You're going to go tomorrow, because our Grandparents paid for you, and because you have the chance too."

"I never agreed to go back to school, even if it is for music, I still have to take regular classes!" Soda was livid. I never heard his carry on like this before.

"You don't have to agree. Your seventeen, you live under my house, my rules. When you're eighteen, maybe you'll get choices."

"FUCK YOU!"

I was about to plug my ears. Darry wasn't a fan of cussing but he did it. However, Mom and Dad never let us cuss, so Darry never did. On top of that it was a lot of disrespect to Darry. Darry stormed out of mine and Soda's room. He went into the kitchen. I could hear banging in the kitchen.

"Get out hear, Sodapop, now" I swear he was going to make our house cave in. He walked out into the living room holding a cup. I knew it was Dad's stuff. He was going to swipe it on Soda's tongue. Soda hated it. It was worse than getting your mouth washed out with soap, and it was the closest think to physically punishing us that Darry ever used. He swiped the black goop on Soda's tongue.

"Darry!" His eyes were watering. "Too ho-t"

Darry positioned himself so he looked like he was watching Soda. He really wasn't, Soda could have burned the house down, it wouldn't have matter, and Darry never liked seeing Soda in pain.

"When I say I've had enough, I've had enough. You will go to school tomorrow, and you will be on your best behavior, and try your best. If not I'll make that stuff so hot it will burn a hole in your tongue."

Soda nodded, he had tears going down his face. "Darry, come on, it's too hot, He doesn't even like spicy food." I tried.

"Go get milk, and brush your teeth. Adjust your language!"

"I hate you!" Soda hissed. It came out more like augh ate you.

I wanted to be on Soda's side, but I just couldn't. He was seventeen, he should be in school. Darry sighed; he gave me a stern look. "You finish your homework?"

I nodded. He was trying to pretend like Soda's words didn't hurt him.

"Go to bed, he'll be in there in a minute."

I did as I was told. I waited until Soda called in.

"Soda, did you mean what you said?" I asked.

"No, I'm just pissed off. It ain't fair Ponyboy. Before Sunny, I helped him pay the bills and he had no problem with me dropping out. All the sudden my job isn't good enough and I have to go to school? They do it behind my back. I'll have to go to go to summer school to catch up." He sighed with frustration. "It ain't right to do this to me. My damn mouth is on fire."

"You better not let Darry hear that, he'll do it again."

Soda grinned. "Nah, he only did it because of what I said to him. Good thing Sunny didn't come around until after Dad died"

I smiled. We all missed Sunny, he never answered out letters.

(Darry's P.O.V)

"Alright Pepsi Cola, knock em' dead."

Soda looked at me. "Darry this is socville"

"Come on you can't tell, you all have uniforms."

"Yeah, until Friday and then they are all going to be wearing madras."

I looped an arm around his shoulders. "You want me to walk to the principal's office with you?"

Soda shook his head. "I want you to take me home."

I really didn't want to get into it right here. "You'll be fine kiddo. Don't forget your guitar in the back. You know the bus you get on and all that right."

"Yeah" He opened the car door. "Thanks for the lift." I watched him pull his guitar out of the back and walk toward the school.

I took one last look around and signed. There wasn't one greased head in sight. "Dallas watch him." I smirked to myself at the thought of Dally a greased up angel coming down to kick the shit out of someone who messes with Soda.

* * *

I peeled the rest of the potatoes, and glanced up at the clock. Soda still wasn't home yet. I had to go to my second job at eight.

"Darry?" Pony called me. He was sitting at the table doing his homework.

"What?" I turned around to face him. He held up tow papers stapled together. I took them and looked them over. "I never was big on Shakespeare." I signed the papers. "Or Hamlet, for that matter. Are you into that stuff?"

Pony shrugged. I swear sometimes talking to this kid was like pulling teeth.

"Pony, clean up your stuff and set the table." He did what I asked. I was finishing up the mash potatoes when Soda walked in the door. He set his books and his guitar on the couch.

"How was school?"

"I like my music class." He said. "Gym is okay. They don't even offer auto mechanics!"

I smirked. "I think you sacrifice that for your music class."

He leaned over my mashed potatoes and dumped red and blue food coloring into them. "Can I take Sunny's car to school?"

I bit my lip down. That Mustang cost a lot of money, and gave Soda a lead foot.

"It's past five, and I get out at three. Besides, it's not going to be good for the car if you let it sit in the driveway for two years." He grinned.

"Don't go over the speed limit."

He smiled for the first time since Sunny left. Then his face went back to serious. "Darry?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm really sorry about last night."

I was used to being told things on those lines. You know, that I was mean, unfair and a million others on those lines, but at the end of the day the apologies were always said. "Don't sweat it. I know you did mean it."

* * *

"Tell me about this boy again. The mouthy one." The general drove the jeep over toward the camp.

"He has a mother in L.A. California, along with a half sister and a step dad. He has three brothers in Tulsa Oklahoma, and has partial custody of two. Ponyboy and Sodapop who are fourteen and sixteen. He as a job as a writer, and he wrote a book. He also had anger management problems. He got help for it."

"Help huh?" The general said. "I hope he doesn't mind breaking the little wall the anger management helped to build up."

The jeep stopped and he watched the young cadet's line up. "Private Curtis!" The general stepped up.

Dark hair and eyed man stepped up. "I'm him."

The general raised his eyebrows. "Is that all you have to say?"

"No" It was a rare day that the general was afraid of cadets.

"At ease men."

"Sergeant, blind fold him and put him in the jeep."

(Sunny's P.O.V)

I stayed quite. I could feel the lumps of the road; actually it didn't even feel like we were on a road anymore. We hit a ditch and nearly went out. "What the fuck!"

"Take the blind fold off him." General Maxum ordered. His little kiss ass Sergeant did so. I felt the jeep stop. We were in front of some type of ware house. I followed him. There was a single light dangling over a table.

"Sit down Sunshine? Do you do by any other name?"

"Sunny." I grinned.

"You don't like this war do you?" He asked. "Or authority?"

"This war, no. Authority, depends in if I feel the deserve my respect."

"What if I told you, I could cut your time here now? You could go back to Tulsa, back to your boys. You know at that age, you don't want to miss a second of them growing up." He leaned over the table and snapped his fingers in my face. "Because just like that they aren't little anymore."

"How do you know all that? How can I go home faster?"

"Son, this is the army, we have connections to everyone. If we want information on someone we get it. I know all about you." He grinned like Satan. "Are you willing to do anything to go home?"

"Yes." I answered. "What do you want?"

"Sunshine, everything I'm telling you in top secret. You don't want to find out what happens to you if any of this information in leaked out."

The Sergeant stepped up. "Sometimes in war, when the enemy fights unfair, we have to fight unfair. We need someone strong, someone to scare people. Who have information; scare them so bad, that they will give us everything they need. The faster the P.O.Ws gives us information the faster you go home. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yes." I answered an uneasy feeling came into my stomach.

"And you are willing to do this?"

"Yes" I answered.


	2. Name Never Spoken

I rolled over and starred at the pictures around my bunk. I had a family picture of my Mom, step dad, Holly and I. Grace had given me the pictures she took of my brothers and I. I took one off the tack. It was one with Soda and me. I had him wrapped up in hug. He was laughing. God, I do anything to see that kid laugh. I tacked the picture up and looked around my bunk. It was a single room the size of a walk in closet. I thought about the day today. My job was to break these people. They had some secret information. I had a translator with me at all times. What was worse is I felt something inside me break. I felt like I was before the anger management, when I was on drugs and drinking all the time. The person before I met my brothers. The alarm clock went off. I rolled out of bed. Five am, today I got absolutely no sleep. The prisoners didn't sleep either. I didn't let them go to be until four. I grabbed a night stick.

"ON YOUR FEET!"

* * *

Soda's (P.O.V)

I sat behind the Piano at school. I got done early with lunch. I ran my fingers over the keys.

"That sounds great."

I stopped playing and looked up to find Anna standing in the door way. "Thanks." I said. Anna was pretty but she was really tuff. I moved to sit in the line of chairs that were set up. We had theory at the beginning of each class. Since it was Friday we all had to perform too. "Did you make that yourself?" I asked gesturing to her dress.

"Yeah, Jay, Buddy, Allen, Jan and I had a tie-dye party last weekend."

"Sounds fun." I said. I didn't know who Allen or Jan were. They were probably in performance or the art part of school.

"Hey Anna, I read that book. Your right that's amazing." Jay sat down in front of us. He tossed Anna a book. Jay was kind of weird. He always had a peace sign dangling from his neck. He also always wore black on Fridays, when we had out of uniform days. I wasn't sure if it was because he wanted to be Johnny Cash, or Bob Dylan.

"Have you read Caught in the Spiders Wed, Soda?" Anna asked me.

"No, I don't read." I answered.

"Not even Jack Kerouac?" Jay jumped on his knees.

"Jack Who?"

"Soda, you have to read On the Road. It's amazing."

"Really, I don't read unless I have too." I said.

"Leave him alone Jay. Not everyone likes to read." Anna nudged him with her tree.

"I just think you should read. Especially with the books that are coming out now. Take Caught in the Spiders Web. The author Sunshine Curtis, he has this satire about societies expectations of people, and a journey of self discovery."

"I thought his journey of self discovery came with us." I mumbled. Everything went silent. I looked at Anna and Jay and realized they were both giving me weird looks. "He's my oldest brother. He helped raised me and my little brother Ponyboy."

"Helped raised?" Jay asked.

"My parent died in a wreck. So my brother Darry became guardian of me and my little brother Ponyboy. Then Sunny showed up on our doorstep and helped take care of us. About a month ago he got drafted." They both stared at me with shocked expressions.

"Look man, some of us are going down town to the record store and then to Pete's. You want to join?" Jay asked fiddling with his peace sign.

"Sure." I answered.

* * *

"I'm home!" I yelled.

"Where have you been?" Darry hollered from his bedroom. "Grace is coming over around 7."

"I went out with some people after school." I answered walking into his bed room.

Darry turned over to look at me. "Oh you mean, your making friends."

I grinned a little. "I guess."

"You guess?"

"Well, I don't think they would have asked me if they didn't know I was Sunny's brother." I sat down on Darry's bed. He was looking at me like I was crazy.

"They read his book and they are really big fans."

"Oh" Darry said.

"Darry, the people I'm meeting, they're real different. They ain't like socs or greasers."

Darry laughed. "Well see buddy, not everyone falls into those two categories. I'm sure there are clicks."

I shook my head. "I don't, not with these people I'm meeting. They are all into politics and stuff. They were talking about Bobby Kennedy. I don't know who that is."

"He's a senator Soda, he's related to John Kennedy. Hopefully our next president."

I starred at Darry. "Yeah anyways, they talk about books and movies. Darry, it's like there is a whole different world out there and it's revolving around Vietnam. There's even all this new music popping up from it. When we went to the record store on Main Street today"

"You went where?" Darry half hollered.

"The record store on Main." I answered.

"Soda, Main Street is crawling with people who do drugs."

"I didn't know. I ain't ever been there before. It's like this whole other part of town that I haven't been to before."

"Yeah, there's a reason for that." Darry grumbled.

"Maybe you shouldn't shelter me so much."

Darry cocked and eyebrow at me. "You new friends teach you to be smart mouth?"

"Nope, I learned that from my big brother." I grinned.

Darry lunged at me. I got put into one of his crazy holds. I couldn't get out. I felt the blood rush to my head. I struggled but he had me held tight. "Holler Uncle!"

"PONY HELP!" I screamed

"That's not Uncle." He sang.

"Darrel put him down before you hurt him." Grace stood on the doorway with her hands on her hips. Pony was next to her grinning.

"Nope, better than uncle." I said.

Darry dropped me on the floor. "You came over a little early." He said to Grace.

"No, Darrel I'm right on time."

* * *

(Darry's P.O.V)

I sat back in the chair. It was nice to finally relax. "Thank you."

Grace looked up at me. She was sewing one of my shirts. Apparently I've been doing it wrong, something about needing a cross stitch. But, hell, I only had to sew after Mom died and even then, I only did a basic stitch to hold my stuff together. "Anytime Darry. The boys seem to be doing okay."

I looked at the dirt under my nails. I think it was something about me, not matter how hard I tried to be clean dirt just found its way to me. "Well you know. Soda got tired of being mad at me about school. Pony's a little brick wall. I know they are mad. They write to him once a week. Still no reply."

"Maybe he's not getting his letters."

I shrugged. I didn't want to think about him not getting his letters because then it made me think he was dead.

"And you say Pony's the little brick wall." Grace commented.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You don't exactly display your emotions."

I wished I had a newspaper or a TV guide to hide under right now.

She set my shirt on the coffee table. "Darry, Sunny made me promise to watch over you. What's going on in your head?"

I looked at my hands. "I think I should check on Pony and Soda."

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I stood at the foot of the boy's bed. "They look just fine to me." She whispered. She tugged on my arm. I followed her back out to the living room. "What's going on?"

"Grace, I'm twenty one. I'm a big boy. I'm their guardian. I wouldn't take on that task if I needed someone to watch me."

She tucked some of her auburn hair behind her ear. "I'll see you later. Until then try not to take anything out on them. Sunny wouldn't want that. Or has his name become forbidden in this house?"

"I really don't think you need to tell me what I need to do with my kid brothers. I can't let them sit and stew on everything that has been going on."

"You're right. You just try and go back to what's normal. You don't realize what normal to them is having Sunny around."

"Grace, normal was having a Mom and Dad do my job. Normal was before the wreck, before two of our friends died in front of us, and before Sunny showed up at our door step. So don't tell me what normal, because in this house, there is no such thing as normal."

"Guys go back to bed; Darry and I are just bickering over nothing."

I turned around to find both of them standing behind me. "Back to bed, you have school tomorrow!" I yelled. "Now!" They took off down the hall.

"That's nice." Grace said. "I hope you can keep your promise to Sunny. You know the one where he asked for you to tell them you loved them."


	3. I'm so sorry

A/N I'm sorry if this bores you. I'm still trying to set things up. I know the time is moving fast. I know Darry seemed a little mushy, but I hope he was still in character. Also I'm going to try not to use point of view tags, so let me know what you think.

"I don't get it." Curly blew out a perfect smoke ring.

I shrugged. "Where my brother goes to school they are all hippies there."

"Man, if I knew that this was how it was going to be, I would have stayed in the reformatory."

"It's nothing but fashion to them Curly, you know half these people don't believe in peace and love." I looked up at empty stadium. I was wishing now that Two-Bit and Steve didn't get so plastered last night. I wanted to leave school. "Besides we still have socs, and greasers."

"That ain't the point. I missed out on the last rumble, and with everybody changing whether it's fake or not there won't even be another."

I tossed my cigarette over the bleachers. "Who cares," I mumbled. I didn't really care too much about fighting anymore. I'd rather there be peace than chaos, but Curly was wrong because no matter what the fad was, there were always going to people like my gang, and people who thought they were better than us. It was something you had to get used to.

"That empty pack of cigarettes do something to you?" Curly asked.

"That was my last weed. Track starts next week. I swore this would be my last pack."

"I'll let you bum, if you come to Timber Street party with me tonight. Bryan Douglas is going to be there. I could use you if he lays a hand on my sister."

I rolled my eyes. I'm sure Angie's hands weren't any worse than Bryan's. "Mark is my friend; I can't start anything with Bryan. Besides, it's a school. If there is one thing that hasn't changed, it's Darry."

The bell rang for us to finish the rest of the day. I couldn't really concentrate. I nearly wrote a book to Sunny a while ago about everything. I even told him about Grace and Darry's fight. Grace hadn't come around since. I pretty sure we weren't supposed to write about it. I'd do anything just to get a response from him. The last time we had gotten a response from him was months ago. I rounded the corner to our house and halted to a stop behind the mail man.

"Do you have the mail for 5370?" I asked.

"Yeah, here kid." He shoved stack of white envelopes into my hand. I continued running as I shuffled threw the mail. I let the screen door slam behind me.

"Hey, what'd I tell you about slamming the door, it's going to fall off!" Darry hollered.

I didn't notice he was home. I must have not realized the truck. "Didn't know you were home."

"Yeah, nice seeing you too. I worked late yesterday at the second job. They don't want to pay me overtime again." He gestured to the white envelopes in my hand. "Anything good?" Darry asked. It was his way of asking if Sunny had written anything, without actually having to ask it.

"Nope, not a thing." I answered.

"Hey, kiddo, I need to make dinner before we get another Soda surprise. I don't think mine or your stomach can handle it. Come to the store with me, and made we can get dinner on started before Soda comes home."

"Sure." I agreed. Last night we had chocolate chip and blue mash potatoes. I wasn't supposed to being eating a ton of sugar with track about to start.

Darry gave me half his list. I went in search of the stuff we needed for tomorrow's cake. I found the stuff we needed. I walked down the center aisle, looking down all the ones that branched off if it for my brother. I found him in the frozen food section. Maria and some other guy were talking to him. Darry looked steamed. The other guy reminded me of Steve, cool and cocky. He was looking at Darry like he was beneath him. He had this weird stance. Maria just looked like she was in a bad situation. I was guess that this guy was going with Maria.

"Darry, I found the cake stuff." I dumped all of it in the cart and glared at the guy and Maria.

"Cute kid, he belong to you?" The guy smirked.

"Thanks, and yeah, he does." Darry said gravely.

"Vinnie!" Maria hissed.

"Come on, we have everything we need." Darry grabbed me by my upper arm and we got our stuff and left.

He didn't say anything on the way home. I had a feeling that Vinnie guy said more to him that what I heard.

Soda and I had to do the dishes. I explained to him why Darry was scary silent. He wasn't very happy. IT was weird when someone actually said something enough to upset Darry.

"Soda, what do you think he meant when he said cute kid, he belong to you?" I asked as I dried the last fork.

"I don't know. He was probably just trying to get on Darry's nerves. We all know that Darry had a lot of feelings for Maria."

"He wouldn't have cheated on her." I said flatly. It was still weird that Darry would cheat on someone. It just wasn't like him.

"Why don't you two stop talking about me and go do your homework." Darry's voice came from behind.

Soda and I both looked at each other guiltily. Darry raised his eyebrows. "You two going to move or stay there like a bumps on logs?"

"We're moving," Soda nudged me forward. "Come on Pony."

* * *

I let my feet dangle off the porch. They almost hit the ground. I remember when I was a little kid doing this and thinking that I would never be big enough to have my feet touch the ground. It was my goal. I'd do pus push ups and eat my vegetables everyday and come out here at the end of the week to see if I had grown. I scooted my body until I was about to fall off the edge and put my feet on the ground. Well that was one goal I accomplished. I looked at my bare arms for it being the end of March and nearly midnight it was still chilly. I probably would have yelled at Pony to wear a jacket. There wasn't anyone to yell at me about that anymore. 

"Darrel, it's not quite that warm yet." A soft voice said.

I turned half expecting my Mom to be there, but instead was my ex girlfriend. "Hi Maria." I tried to keep the surprise out of my voice. "What are you doing here?"

"I took a walk and I saw you come out. I thought I might say hi."

"I see, well, hi."

"Hi," she stood there for an awkward minute that felt more like an hour. "Can we talk?"

"Isn't that what we are doing now?" I asked sarcastically.

"You don't need to be a bitch. I'm trying to be nice!" She shouted.

"Sit down, try not shout, you'll wake the boys up." I gestured to the steps. I was a few feet away steps and I wanted to keep the distance.

She sat down on the steps as close as she could to me. "I talked to Grace the other day. She told me you were having trouble."

"I guess Grace would know, I haven't talked to in about a month."

"You're just a sarcastic ass today aren't you?"

"What did you come here for because it's a long walk from your place to here."

"Darry, the other day in the grocery, I'm sorry about that."

I was glad for the darkness so she couldn't see how mortified I was. "Don't worry about it. I'm over it but does Vinnie always attack little kids like he did Pony?"

"He didn't mean anything, he's just a jealous guy. I'm sorry if he hurt you. I'm sorry if her hurt Pony."

"Your lucky Pony didn't hear that whole conversation because if that kid's feelings got hurt I would of killed him. Do you always date assholes?"

I could tell by her expression that my comment hurt her. I wanted to hurt her, but to be honest I felt bad about doing it. "You know how it is, a girl starts with one and the cycle just doesn't end."

Things went silent again. I hated silence. I hated when my house was silent, I hated sitting in a car with silence. She pulled her sweater tighter as the wind blew. "You know you might want to make up with Grace. Sunny will be awfully mad when he comes back and finds out his brothers and fiancée are arguing."

"One brother, I don't take kindly to people telling me how to raise my kid brothers. She acted like I can't raise them, she has no say in it. She knows nothing about raising teenagers. It's bullshit, we struggled but we made it before Sunny. It pisses me off when people I'm supposed to consider my friend have that little faith in me. I do just fine with my brothers. " I wanted to tell her that Grace reminded me of the old ladies in the grocery store who would watch me and point and whisper about me when my parents first died. I kept that to myself.

"You do realize that you can't pay attention to her. Grace misses Sunny and she wants to know she isn't the only one. She's mad at him that he's not writing, but she took it out on you."

"Yeah, well I'm not exactly thrilled. You think I enjoy watching Soda and Pony's faces every time the mail comes and there isn't one single letter from him?"

"I bet that's hard."

"That's a safe bet to make." I rubbed the crick in my neck.

Maria moved closer to me and I felt her fingers on my neck. "I'm worried about you. It's not healthy to pile your feelings up like how you are doing. "

I grunted. I hated her. She had this way with making me spill my guts. "What do you want hear? You want to hear about how I'm angry at my brother for never writing, worried and probably have another ulcer.Or would you like to hear about how my brothers who once talked about me as being superman and now they are talking about me behind my back. I set a wonderful example by cheating on you. Before Sunny left I got a taste at how it was to be 21 and now that's gone.Or would you like to listen about how I took up my second job again, and I feel like a twenty year old trapped in a forty year old body. "

Maria began massaging my back. "You have a right to be angry with Sunny. Darry people make mistakes, and there is nothing you could ever do to ruin the hero status in your brothers' eyes. Darry we all see it. You are those kids hero, but you are human and you do make mistakes." She put her hand on the spot on my back that gave me chills. "As far as your body. Darry being a nurse I see a lot of bodies, and your body is defiantly any where near looking like a forty year old's."

I shivered and not from the cold. "Maria, I cheated on you. I'm sorry for that. I can't explain to you why I did it. I justified it in my head, but not in my heart."

She slid her fingers up my spine and around my neck until she got to my chin. She brought my face down to hers. I pulled away but I was ashamed to look at her.

"You are a softy, Darry." She said in just barely a whisper. I sat there with my head in her hands.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Give me a second chance, please. I'll be better to you than Vinnie ever will."

"I don't trust you. Darry look at me." She demanded.

I felt like a dog with his tail between his legs. I pulled my face up hers. "I know you don't. It's my fault."

"We have a lot to work on." She said.

* * *

"Bastard! You want to be here for the rest of the fucking night! You want to see your family." 

He didn't say anything. He mumbled something in Vietnamese. I knew he knew how to speak English. I looked over at the translator.

"He pretty much said fuck off."

"You'll pay for that you fucker. I hope you enjoy being on you feet."


	4. Welcome Home?

I looked at the stack of letters in my hand. It was pouring rain out, and despite the fact that I was finally coming home. I felt dreary much like the stupid weather.

"You know you did a good thing for your country." The cab driver babbled on. "Not many people support the war but I do, my family does too. They know more about what's going then we common people do."

I was slightly confused by the way he was talking, but I nodded and threw in some Yes and no's just to make him be quite.

"How long were you in Nam?" He asked.

"Five months." I mumbled.

"That it? You have to go back?"

"No, I did more damage in those 5 months then most do."

The cab driver went silent. He pulled up to the rickety house, I didn't remember it being that bent out of shape. "How much do I owe you?" I asked

He shook his head. "I can't take money from men who do service to this country. I'd go to war if I could but my left knee isn't too good."

I dug out my last couple of bucks to give him a tip. "Thanks."

"Thank you and God bless you." He answered.

I smirked as I got out of the cab taking my suitcase with me. I watched him drive off. I started out the house trying to take it all in. I felt like I had been gone for a year.

I could see the light on in Grace's room. I could tell there was a form in there. I picked up a hand full of gravel and began tossing it against her window. I watched the form jump and suddenly she was at the window. I had a sudden urge to run. I stayed frozen in my spot and finally waved. Grace disappeared from the window. I dropped the rest of the gravel from my hand.

"Sunny!" I caught her and she jumped on me. "OH God."

She didn't go on. I kissed her deeply in the middle of the pouring rain. I pulled away. "I'm home."

"How long have you been here?" she was holding me so tightly I thought the air was going to get squeezed out of me.

"I had the cab from the airport take me here." I answered. "You were my first stop."

I watched a row of little faces appear in the windows. "I was your first stop? I'm happy you are home! Sunny, come inside." She tugged at my hand to follow her.

I shook my head. "I don't want too."

"I'm sure you don't, you want to see your brothers?"

I nodded. "I have to get my keys."

"I'll wait for you in the car."

* * *

I rubbed my temples. "Come on please Soda, give it a rest for just a minute." He had been on the piano for the last three hours. I wanted to watch the ball game.

Soda twisted round on the piano bench. "You don't have to hear the game, you can watch and"

He stopped suddenly with a squeaking noise coming out of his throat. I looked up to make sure he wasn't choking. "You choking there, Pepsi Cola."

Soda jumped up suddenly as if some had lit a fire underneath him. I heard footsteps on the path. I got up to see what had made Soda go speechless.

The screen door opened and there was a man in a military uniform. A very familiar man. "Sunny!"

He grinned. "Hi, Darrel." He looked over at Soda. "Are you choking?"

I started laughing getting crazy stares from both Grace and Sunny.

"Gee," he looped an arm around Grace. "You two sure know how to greet someone who has n't been around for five months."

"Sunny!" Pony must have heard his voice from the room. He collided into Sunny with a huge hug.

"Hey kiddo. See he knows how to greet a guy!" Soda UN froze himself and went after Sunny in the same manner Pony did.

I stood back watching them hug. I didn't know whether to be mad for him never returning a letter, or be thankful that he was alive. "Are you on a leave of absences?" I asked pulling Pony back to hug him.

Sunny shook his head. "I'm home little brother, for good."

"How come you didn't write?" Pony asked. "Did you get our letters?"

"Yeah, I got them when the Chief handed me my plane ticket home. I wasn't allowed to write."

"How does a two year tour end up being five months?" I asked skeptically.

"Darry," Grace hissed at me. "Who cares, he is home."

I had forgotten she was there. I hadn't talked to her since our fight. I had a feeling things were going to get ugly sooner or later.

"I thought most people got skinnier when they came home from war. You look like you're stronger than Darry by a long shot." Soda looked up at him.

"Got news for you. I've always been." Sunny collapsed down on the couch."I got stabbed, that's why I got sent home early." He raised his shirt and showed a bloody, and bandaged wound.

"Sunny, maybe you should take that to Maria tomorrow. Let her fix that." Grace was gapping at his injury.

BREAK

"Hey, I figured you would sleep in." I grinned as Sunny came in the front door.

"I got up and figured, I'd go for a run. Ever consider joining a gym?" He asked.

"Used to, then I got the roofing job, same thing, but my more work."

"Yeah, well I'm joining one, if you want to tag along."

I shrugged. "Hey, think you can pick Soda up from school?" I asked.

"I'm going into work today. What time?" Sunny seemed annoyed that I even asked him. Normally, he absolutely loved picking them up from school. I didn't know why but he did.

"Are you okay?" I asked, I watched him as he chopped some carrots up. "I'll pick him up, 3:30 Right." He slammed the knife down and then went into the bathroom and slammed that door.

I looked down at the eggs I was making for breakfast. What the heck got into him? I wondered. I shook my head. He wasn't even here for an entire day, and he was already frustrated with me. I heard the shower run. Suddenly, I didn't want to work late anymore.

* * *

I grinned when I saw the mustang pull up at school. I wished Jay and Allen would have been around because they would have flipped to meet Sunny. I jumped in the passenger side of the Mustang. "Hi, Sunny!"

"Hi." He answered. "Do you always wear your dirty work shirt to school?"

I looked down, it wasn't dirty just stained. "I work after school on Friday, so yeah."

"Can't you just wear the white shirt that you put underneath it?"

I didn't say anything. I twiddled my thumbs and hummed along with the radio.

"SODAPOP! Answer me!" He shouted. "God, damn it I hate it when you people don't give me a fucking answer."

"I guess, I could."

"Was that so hard?"

I wanted to change the subject. "We had our Congressman come into class today." I said.

Sunny reached over and grabbed his cigarettes. "What'd he have to say?"

"He said he supported the war, then got booed out of class."

Sunny laughed, before I could add on that I didn't boo him."He said what we were doing over in Vietnam was good."

Sunny turned and looked at me. "Let me tell you something, those fucking bitches who sit up in the office and say they support the war, do know anything about what is going on. You think our congressmen go over and see the war, you think they see what's going on, this bastards are selfish liars, anyone who supports this war ought to be damn to hell. It's not heroic, we aren't doing any good, but they'll lead anyone to think that way. Don't you go believing them. Do you understand me?"

I nodded, and then I realized it wasn't directly answering him. "Yeah, I understand you." I was never happier to see work in my life. "Thanks Sunny." I slammed his car door and went to work.

* * *

"What do you expect Sunny, you were supposed to have a two year tour. He offered you the same position." Darry was hunched over the counter mixing something.

"Part time for music, the other position he offered me is to watch the fucking politicians and document the world revolving around the war. Do I look like I do some fucking documentary?"

Darry laughed. "You still have you old job, you just have to split it."

I opened the fridge to grab a Pepsi ignoring their conversation. "You are supposed too be studying." Darry frowned.

"I've been studying since I got home. I need a break."

"Ponyboy, theses exams are going to make or break your grades. You need to do good on them." He wasn't telling me I needed to do good, he was commanding me to do good.

I wanted to tell Darry to shut up but I resisted that urge. I wasn't going to be grounded the first week of summer. "Darry, come on five minutes isn't going to make or break my grade. Besides, my grades are fine." I felt a sharp pain in my backside. I knew Sunny was standing behind me.

"Don't you ever back talk, like that again." He bellowed.

I starred at him confused as ever, that wasn't even back talking. I had back talked before that wasn't it. I wasn't going to get into a fight with Sunny. It really wasn't worth it. I took my Pepsi and made my way around him.

Dinner was awkward. Darry and Soda had gotten into it over Soda doing homework earlier. I pushed my pees around on my plate. "Hey, Sunny I get out of school after exam. Want to go see a movie?"

"I can't, I have work to do." Sunny said.

"You are going to come to the concert tomorrow night right?" Soda asked. His school had a huge end of the year concert. Soda was in almost everything, and he had a solo. He had been practicing non stop.

"Yeah," Darry glared at Sunny from the other end of the table. "He is. I had to pull teeth to get another ticket."

* * *

I bit my lip until I tasted blood. I was trying to keep my composure. Count to ten, I told myself. "I need a cigarette." I said, leaving the dinner table. I stepped outside. I couldn't explain why, but every little thing made me want to scream and yell. I inhaled as deep I could and let the smoke hit my throat.

"What's wrong with you?" I said out loud. I felt like my sanity was slipping through the cracks. I slipped off the couch and laid in the grass. I lit another cigarette and starred up at the stars. I could hear the neighbors down the street screaming at each other. I closed my eyes, I tried to block out screaming. Instead my mind took back.

_"YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!" I kicked over __his bed. "You want to fucking die?"_


	5. the great pretender

"Where is he?" Grace leaned over Maria and starred at me.

"I don't know." I hissed. It was the end of the first act of Soda's concert and Sunny was no where in sight.

"Maybe he is embarrassed about last night." Pony suggested.

"Right now, I'm embarrassed, shut up both of you." Maria whispered.

"Why would he be embarrassed?" Grace directed her question toward Pony, who was now going red from people staring at us like we were fools.

"He had a nightmare last night." Pony admitted.

"He has no reason to be embarrassed for that, what did you say to him?" That last question was directed at me.

"Grace shush, Soda is on." Maria ordered. She turned and looked at me. "Leave it be."

I leaned back into my chair. I took Maria's hand in mine. Soda finished his solo. He was actually talented. He had only practiced bits and pieces of it at home. I hadn't heard the whole thing played out before. The next act was announced, when Maria tugged on my hand. I looked over at her.

"Scoot down, he's here." She whispered.

I motioned for Pony to move down a seat. He did so did we all. I looked over at Sunny. "Where were you?"

Sunny held his finger to his lips.

The man in the front turned around. "Can you please be quite, some of us are trying to watch our children."

"Sorry, sir." Sunny nodded toward him.

Pony slumped into his chair. I threw an arm around him. Poor kid, it wasn't bad enough being here with his brothers and their girlfriends, we had to be loud at that.

I was thankful for intermission. I loved watching Soda, it was all the other kids I didn't care about.

Sunny had some weird grin on his face. "My Dad stopped by the office today. We went down to the dealership and I got a new car. I lost track of time."

"Idiot," I shook my head. "Do you realize how important this is, you missed the first act."

"Darry, things happen, he sees his Dad less than he sees Soda." Grace butted in the conversation. I was getting really sick of her doing that.

"I think I'm going to go smoke. Before you guys get even more un wanted attention." Pony said walking toward the door.

"What's his problem?" Sunny asked.

"I think it's you." I answered.

Sunny glared at me. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Kid asks you to a movie, you say you have to work but have no problem getting off when Daddy, rolls into town with his wallet. You're late for Soda's concert, that means the world to him."

"Are you jealous because my step Dad has money, or that I'm spending time with him?"

Boy, now I was ticked. "I'm not jealous of you, I just wish you'd get your priorities straight."

"Babe." Grace put her hand on Sunny's shoulder. "Don't."

"No," Sunny hissed threw clenched teeth. "Who the fuck are you to tell me that. When's the last time you went to Pony's track meet? When's the last time you even spent actual quality time with either of them? Huh Darry you answer that?"

We now had the attention of everybody in the place. I was at a loss of words. Everything he said was right but there was a difference between wanting to be there and can't making. Sunny didn't even want to be around the boys.

"The concert is going to start soon. Darry go get Ponyboy." Maria said.

Sunny shot me a dirty look before we went and sat down. We had to walk outside to meet Soda after everything was said and done. I really hoped that no one noticed that he belonged to the jerks who were fighting the entire time. Sunny and I didn't say anything. I watched Soda parade his way over with his new group of friends.

"Sunny, this is Jan, Anna, Buddy, Allen and Jay."

"Nice to meet you sir." Jay extended his hand.

"They are your biggest fans." Soda grinned.

Sunny some how looked like an absolute wreck. He took Jay's extended hand and then the rest of them. "Pleasure meeting you guys. I have to go, I have an interview with Senator Kennedy tomorrow."

I watched Soda's friends get more excited. "Here buddy, He tossed his keys over to Soda. Brand new off the lot, you can drive her home. It's the black Cadillac."

Soda grinned from ear to ear. "See ya' guys later." He took off running with Sunny toward the new car.

"Well let's go home." I said.

I was happy when we went home. Things were very laid back. Soda didn't even know Sunny missed half the concert. Lucky for me, Sunny went to bed early. Grace left and Two-Bit and Steve were occupying the other two in the yard.

"Are you alright?" Maria asked.

I shrugged. "Would it be bad if I said, I didn't trust Sunny around Pony or Soda."

Maria looked at my strange. "Darry, he just got home from war. Sunny is very open. This isn't something he is going to be open about. I think you need to realize that."

I shook my head. "That's not what I'm talking about. He has these sudden burst of anger. That makes me uneasy. It's like he hates kids, especially Pony. You saw how he was with Soda's friends. I don't' want him hurting Pony or Soda, heck even Steve or Two-Bit for that matter."

"I have work in the morning, so do you. Darry, Sunny would never do anything to intentionally hurt his brothers. You know that."

I kissed her goodbye. It wasn't the intentional part I as worried about. It was the part that he couldn't control I was worried about.

* * *

"Hello!" Sunny's voice filled the air.

"In here." I called from the kitchen. "He seems happy." I said to Pony.

Pony shrugged and continued to flip through the magazine Sunny brought home the other day."

"Guess, what Senator Kennedy, asked me to campaign for him. Did you know my book hit the best sellers list in April?"

Pony and I both nodded. "Right after Martin Luther King died."

"Yeah," Sunny sounded a little jaded. "It's hot today. He took of his suit coat and unbuttoned his coat. It was the first time I noticed he had a peace symbol.

"When did you start wearing that?" I asked pointing to the symbol.

"The day I found out I got drafted." He touched the symbol. "Fuck the war."

I frowned. He didn't sleep well last night. He kept his door locked and we couldn't get in until he got up and answered it. Out of no where he slammed his hand on the page Pony was reading. Pony jumped back. He looked up at Sunny with wide eyes.

"Ponyboy, that isn't something you need to be reading. You don't need to know anything about the war. You understand me?" Sunny said solemnly.

Pony nodded. Sunny grabbed the magazine and tossed it into the trash. "Go play outside or something."

Pony took off. Sunny shook his head once Pony was out of the room. "That kid reads everything there is in this house. We need to start monitoring it."

"I guess so." I said. "I'm taking off tomorrow."

"Want to go to the lake? Soda doesn't have school on Fridays."

"Sure, sounds fun."

Sunny grinned. "Good, spend some time together and I can get some writing done."

* * *

"Guess he's going to write all day." Soda looked up at Sunny. He was still sitting under a tree with his papers.

I shrugged and splashed Soda with water. He jumped on top of me, and I went under.

The girls we were talking to earlier had left. Now, there were a bunch of other girls looking at us as we goofed off in the water.

"Are you guys, brothers?" A blond in a bikini asked.

"Yup." Soda threw his arm around my neck. "I'm Soda, this is Pony."

The blond grinned. "I'm Kim. You guys are real cute, look a lot alike. I'll catch you guys later."

Soda leaned down. "Give it a few years, and you are going to be almost as good looking as me."

"Few years? She said you GUYS are real cute." I threw some water in his face.

I liked going down to the lake. We all seemed to get along better. I think it was because every body was relaxed. A trip to the lake was kind of like our vacation.

Darry waded into the water until it went over his knees. He waved us over. "Guys, lunch is ready. Do me a favor, go get Sunny."

I bit my lip as I went up the hill. "Sunny?" I chattered.

"What?" He put his stuff down, and then reached up and pulled me down. At first I thought I did something to get a whipping. "You looked cold there." He rubbed his hand on my back. "Here baby." He moved and got the towel he was sitting on and threw it over me.

"Darry says lunch is ready."At the current moment I really didn't care who saw him babying me. I closed my eyes and pretended just for a minute that everything was okay. It was how it was before Sunny left, even before Darry had changed.


	6. Family and Flashbacks

"Hey Soda, how was school?" I asked. I started peeling potatoes for dinner.

He hopped up on the counter loosening his tie. "It blew." He mumbled.

Part of me wanted to tell him to change out of his school clothes but the other part of me could read his face and knew he was upset. "What's wrong, little buddy?"

"You got me up for school and now your peeling potatoes." He turned his glass of chocolate milk in his hand.

"I'm not following."

"You're working late, and that means I'm stuck with Sunny tonight."

I don't think Soda ever really forgave Sunny for showing up late to his concert. No matter how many times Sunny let him drive that caddy. He leaned his head back and sighed frustration. I reached over and patted his knee. "Where is Sunny?"

"He just dropped me off, maybe meeting with Senator or writing, or probably most likely with Grace." He said with anger.

"Now, you are starting to sound like Ponyboy before I go out with Maria."

"That's different Pony knows you care and want to spend time with him. He just doesn't like it when anybody cuts into his time with you. He doesn't like the fact that your are supposed to take care of him, and want to take care of someone else."

I could feel my eyes widen. It was weird but flattering to hear that.

Soda looked down at his hands. "Sunny doesn't care. He doesn't care about us. He doesn't want to spend time with us. The only things he cares about are the stupid Senator, his writing and Grace. When he's home, he either tells Pony and us to go away, or finds some reason to punish us. I'm sick of it."

"Hey, Soda, come on now."

"You can't deny it. The only time he spent actual time with us is at the lake. That was for twenty minutes while we ate lunch. If he doesn't want to be around us, why doesn't he move out. It'd make everyone a lot happier. Especially him."

I looked over at him, shocked by his words. He whipped the tears from his eyes. "Little Buddy, he's just having a lot of trouble adjusting after the war. He needs some time. The guy loves you."

"I guess, I want life to be normal."

I put my finger under the facet so the water would squirt directly at him.

"Hey!" He slid off the counter in shock.

"We're Curtis' life is never normal."

"Can I got over to Jay's tomorrow tonight, they want me to tie dye shirts with them."

"Great, First Maria, then Sunny, and now you. If you start growing your hair to your butt and a beard you can step on. I'm taking Pony to Texas."

Soda grinned. "Peace and Love brother." He held up a peace sign with his two fingers. "You couldn't get me to give up fighting. Or my hair grease."

"Yeah, I believe that, why don't you try washing it once in a while."

"Funny stuff, says the guy with bad hair."

I squirted him with the water again. He stuck his tongue out at me. I shook my head and smiled. I looked at the clock, Sunny would be home soon which mean I had to leave soon for work.

I stepped out on to the porch. Pony was sitting there with his legs dangling off it, reading a book.

"Hey kiddo," I squatted down a little so I wasn't towering over him. "Where ya' been I haven't seen you all day."

"I hung out with Mark earlier. He's a tuff guy."

I nodded. I hadn't met Mark yet. "Well, I have to work the late night tomorrow, so I'll sleep until noon probably. You want to hang out with me for a while?"

"Sure" Pony looked up at me and smiled. "Just us?"

I nodded. "Yup."

* * *

"Hey, Sunny." Maria came through the screen door. 

I twisted to look at her. "You know Darry's not here, right?"

"Yeah, the water got shut off at my apartment. Mind if I borrow the shower for a while."

"Yeah go right a head."

"Thanks." She sat in the chair. "It's sure quite around here."

"Yeah, Pony is running around with Curly. He's due back any minute. Soda is thankfully doing his homework."

"Hard day?" She asked.

"Yeah." I answered.

She got up and sat next to me. "If you need anything just let me know."

"Can you bandage me?" I asked.

"Take off your shirt. I'll go get my stuff."

I flipped my shirt off. Maria sat down next to me. "This might sting a little."

I nearly jumped out of my seat. "I thought you said a little. What is it with you medical people and lying to your patients?"

"We can't tell them that it will hurt a lot, nothing will get done."**S**he grinned.

"It's a lot better than Brandy. That's what Tim always says." Pony voice came.

I looked at him meaningfully. "Don't go honoring Tim now, the last thing I need is you to be quoting that waste of life."

* * *

I felt Soda's arm come around me. "Why doesn't Sunny just move out? He'd be a lot happier." 

"Don't say that Pony. He's just really angry or something I don't know. We just have to wait for him to get back in the swing of things, he's still adjusting I guess."

"I supposed." I said, I knew Soda didn't really believe that. I wasn't about to either. I rolled over to stare at the moon. I was more tired than I realized because I woke up again around one to screaming.

"It's coming from the living room." Soda said.

We got out of bed in the living room. Sunny was thrashing around the couch. His side was bleeding. It sounded like he was really he was mad at someone.

"Sunny" Soda knelt down by him. "Hey man, wake up."

His eyes weren't open but he had the most terrified look on his face. I remember something Darry used when my nightmares got really bad. I grabbed a glass of water that was sitting next to him and threw it on his face. It worked Sunny sat straight up swearing.

"Are you okay?" Soda asked. I recognized the tone in his voice. It was the same tone he used when I woke up screaming.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Sunny said gruffly. He rubbed his face with his hand. "Sorry to wake you up. Go back to bed guys."

He stood up and went into the kitchen. Soda looked at me. His eyes were wide. "Come on, Pony." He tugged on my arm before walking away.

I watched Soda disappear down the hall. I turned slowly in time to watch Sunny pour a glass of liquor. He took the bottle and swallowed. I was too afraid to say anything to him.

* * *

I went into the living room. This day was a waste. I was in my nice clothes and I didn't want to be. It was way to hot. I scrounged my nose. "It smells in here." 

"It mine and Darry's after shave." Sunny answered. "I was trying to get the smell of cigarettes out. Which reminds me. You can't smoke as long as Graces parents are here."

I rolled my eyes. "I won't need to I'll suffocate from the smell of this stuff."

"Don't be mouthy." Sunny tapped his fingers against my cheek.

I didn't have time to say anything because his parents and Holly came through the door followed by Grace and her family.

I stayed quite most of the time. Soda was quite, so Soda at least. I think we both didn't want to say anything that would hurt Sunny. Darry looked uncomfortable, I wondered if Sunny threatened him, if he wasn't on good behavior. I wasn't paying to much attention to what was being said at dinner but all the sudden Darry said. "I can get you one Nick."

Graces Dad Sean looked up suddenly. "Why do you boys call your father Nick?"

"Umm." Sunny looked over Grace. It was the same look he had on his face when my principal called him my half brother. "Nick, isn't Darry, Soda, or Pony's father. He's Holly father and technically he's my step father."

Grace joined in. "Sunny came out here to help raise Pony and Soda, after his Father and step mother died. He lived with his Mom and step Dad."

Sean looked at Sunny with disgust. "Oh." He said, as his eyes wondered over to Betty.

"Yeah." Sunny stood up pushing his chair out. My Dad and Mom were never married, I was a product of some teenage lust, but excuse me for a minute, I need to go grab the cake my brother made and put the coffee on."

* * *

I grabbed the coffee pot and filled it with water. 

"Sunshine, what was that?" Grace was trying to keep her temper under control.

I rolled my eyes. I needed a shot. I grabbed vodka I bought a couple of days ago. "That was the truth. Speaking for the truth, you didn't tell you Dad and Mom about my family? Why?"

"It didn't come up." She answered.

I took a swig of the vodka. "That's bull shit. You didn't tell your perfect little catholic parents, because sex before marriage is a sin. Because you're embarrassed about me. Well you know what Grace. You are sinner."

"What we did had different circumstances and we haven't done it since. My religion or any others condemns what your mother did, so does society. I didn't tell my parents because they are extremely old fashion." She put her hand on my glass of vodka. "You take another drink out of that and I'll break the bottle over your head." I let the glass go. She dumped it in the sink. "What had gotten into you?"

I smiled picking up the coffee. "Baby." I leaned over and kissed her.

I placed the coffee and a couple of cups in the middle of the table.

Grace's mother looked at me. "Los Angeles to Tulsa, that's a big transition."

"Yeah it is, but I needed my life to slow down and take on a little responsibility." I looped an arm around Soda.

"He didn't realize that Darry was a big responsibility." Soda said. Everyone broke out in laughter. That wasn't uneasy or weird laughter.

I leaned down to get close to his ear so no one else could here me. "Thank you." I kissed his head. He looked up with deep stare. I remembered; I had the vodka on my breath.

* * *

I played the last couple of notes. Darry and Sunny were cleaning up. 

"I'm retiring." Darry patted Sunny's back. "Pony, don't sleep all day." He hollered to my brother who was sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette.

I sat on the couch. Sunny was sitting there writing. I waited until Pony said good night.

"Isn't it a little late for a beer?" I asked.

"After my day, I think I deserve another." He shook his empty bottle and got up to get another beer."

I swallowed hard. I really didn't want to get into a fight with him. I followed him into the kitchen. He was getting ready to open another with a bottle opener. I put my hand on top of his. "Sunny, please." I begged. "It's not good for you."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Is it health week in school?"

"No, I just don't like it. The stuff messes lives up." I put more pressure on his hand. "You've had enough."

"You little boy, are not old enough to tell me that." I thought back to the day Darry hit Pony the look on his face. Sunny had the same look now; except he didn't care about what I thought or felt. He was just angry. He grabbed my wrist hard with his free hand. "I suggest you go to bed before I make you."

I winced, I used my free hand to hit the bottle. The bottle stubled off the counter it crashed into the ground. Sunny stared at the broken glass. I felt his my wrist start to really hurt. "Sunny, that hurts."

Sunny started to scream. I couldn't recognize the expression but he started shouting orders at me and screaming something about family and needing to know where the weapons are and then he suddenly started screaming in a different language.

"Sunny, let go of him!" It was Darry. Sunny backed me into the wall. Darry grabbed my arm and Sunny's. It took all his strength to rip my wrist from Sunny's grip.

"Sunny, Sunny, look at me buddy. You aren't in Nam. You're in the house. Snap out of it." He shook Sunny as hard as he could.

"Let go, Darry." Sunny ordered. Darry let go of him. I watched as Sunny's back connected with the counter. He slid down and collapsed on the floor.


	7. let go

I listened from my bed to Darry and Soda running around the kitchen. Part of me wanted to roll over and ignore it, the other part of me knew I needed to get up. I had to go to work, and I had to talk to my little brother. I pushed myself up and brushed the hair out of my face. I remember always wanting to keep my hair short. I hadn't gotten my hair cut since before the war. I ran my hand over the scruff that was on my face. Then traced my body down to where I was stand. I closed me eyes. I could here the bullets, I could still see those eyes. I opened my eyes to see my face in the mirror. I breathed out hard. It was time to talk to Soda.

He was sitting at the table eating breakfast in his boxers. His wrist had a nasty bruise on it.

* * *

Sunny looked washed up. It was kind of scary. It was weird, his guitars were in my room still. Every morning we would wake up to him singing. He was always singing, but not anymore. I looked over at Darry, who just kept pouring the coffee. I kept eating.

"Morning" He said walking over to Darry to get his coffee. "You realize you, me and Pony are all a bunch of caffeine addicts."

"Something has to keep us going. He took all our energy." Darry grinned at me.

Sunny smiled. He walked dragged himself over to me. "Hey, baby," He took my wrist in his hand. "Listen, I'm sorry about last night. It wasn't your fault." He kissed my wrist, kind of like how Dad would kiss our heads when we fell." Sunny didn't remind me of Dad anymore.

"It's okay." I muttered.

I had to go the rest of the day trying to cover the bruise. The last thing I wanted was social services on our tails. I was wishing I had a watch because it seemed like I had been waiting for Sunny to pick me up for forever. I was going to be late for work. I saw my English teacher Mr. Smith walking up the side walk. I signed. He saw the bruise on my wrist earlier.

"Hi Sodapop, it's a little late for you to be here isn't it?" He asked.

"My brother Sunny, is supposed to pick me up. He's always held up in meetings at work."

"That's right your brother is the famous Mr. Curtis. Think he'd mind if I talked to him for a second."

"No, I guess not. I mean he's really busy, trying to get back to things. He just got back from war."

Sunny's car pulled up. He saw Mr. Smith talking to me and stepped out. "Hi, buddy. Sorry, I got held up at work." He took off his aviators. "Hello sir. Sunny Curtis." He extended his hand to Mr. Smith.

"Jacob Smith, I'm Soda's English teacher."

"Nice to meet you." Sunny said. "Is there a problem with Soda's work?"

"No, Soda's catching up wonderfully. I was wondering if I could talk to you. I was hoping you could maybe talk to my class. About the writing process and if it is okay with you the war."

Sunny's facial expression left his face. "I'm busy sir; as you can see. I hardly made time to pick him up I'm sorry sir."

I could tell he was pist off. "Sunny, my throat hurts." It wasn't a complete lie but I'd do anything to get out of there.

He reached over and put a hand on my forehead. "Alright, I better get him home. Nice meeting you." He shook hands with my teacher. "Let's go, bud."

We got into the car. "Your teacher is fucking moron." I watched him light up a cigarette from a new pack.

I shrugged. "He's a nice enough guy."

"He's a fucking moron." Sunny said.

I looked down at my hands. "Okay."

* * *

"We haven't been out together in a week, not since our parents." My fiancée smiled from across the table.

"I know, I got caught up with things." I said

"I heard about your book signing the other day. You just left in the middle of it?" She looked me in the face.

"I had a flash back. What was I supposed to do? Stay there?"

Grace brushed her hand up and down my arm. "How are things with Soda?"

"I think he hates me a little more every day. Pony runs when I walk in a room."

"Sunny, he does not."

"I wouldn't blame him if he does. My hand print was in his wrist. There are some days where I just can't look at Pony." There was one thing I absolutely loved about Grace. She never urged me to go on, or talk. She just let me get out my bits and pieces when I wanted top. "Think we could just elope today? I wouldn't have to face yours or my family again."

"My family doesn't hate you. They actually like you. They said you weren't fake. It's your family I worry about."

I grabbed her hand. "What are you talking about? Pony likes you." I interlocked our fingers.

"It's Darry, we don't get along, and in fact we got into a fight; when you were gone."

* * *

I opened the refrigerator and stuck my head inside. "The bastard who needs a roof on his house in 100 degree weather needs to die." I cooled my face down, then grabbed a Pepsi that was cold.

I leaned my head back. I love the peace and quite. It was so rare to actually get it here. I put the Pepsi bottle to my mouth and chugged.

"Darry!" Soda's frantic screaming interrupted my peace.

"In here."

Soda looped in the kitchen. He still had a grin on his face, but now with a worried expression. "Pony needs fixing up. I picked him up in the lot."

I felt my stomach drop. "What happed?"

"Football, with some kids. He skinned his knees pretty bad."

I smiled as my stomach went were it was supposed to. Soda would always worry when Pony had a little blood. Pony entered the kitchen. "I fell a little bit."

"I see that. Sit down before you track blood all over the house." I went to go grab the Peroxide and the Band-Aids. I wish I was fourteen again. I was so bruised, and scraped up from foot ball games and running everywhere. I missed that. I liked that everything was so relaxed now that he was off of school. "This is going to sting, kiddo." I knelt down beside his chair and pressed the cotton ball of Peroxide on one knee while he did the other."

"DARREL!" Sunny wasn't even in the door yet. He was screaming outside. I heard a car door slam hard.

Pony's eyes went big. They met mine. "It sounds like you're in trouble."

I stood up and rubbed Pony's head. I heard the front door slam shut. I turned to look at my older brother. "What the hell is wrong with you? You don't need to scream like that."

"You don't not need to be rude to my girl friend! You can't get along with anyone can you?" He screamed. "You don't have to guts to tell me about it! You kicked my girlfriend out!"

"I didn't kick her out. I put her in my place. That's your fiancée, not my guardian or theirs!" I screamed. "She waltzed in here and tried to tell me how to raise them!" I jerked my finger toward the boys.

"I'm their guardian too! She's good for them! You don't just kick someone out of the family."

His face was blood red. He was screaming so loud that it was echoing. I had never in my life heard anyone scream like that.

"Sunny, if you want to talk about this we can but you need to chill out." I said.

"Don't' order me around. We are going to talk about this now!"

"I don't know how bad Grace made it out to be. She thinks she knows everything! She doesn't, and you can't believe you weren't here!"

"SHUT UP!" Sunny screamed.

"Let go!" Soda's voice was frantic.

All the sudden, I felt the air stop following. Sunny was screaming at me so loud, I couldn't make out the words. I felt my back connect with the wall. He still had his hand wrapped around my throat. I closed my eyes. My throat hurt so badly. I struggled to get from his grip. I even tried kicking him. I wasn't strong enough. My muscles failed me.


	8. Treason?

I opened my eyes just enough to see a blur of bright white light. I felt like I had strep throat, my throat was in fire. I wanted water, but I didn't think I could swallow it. I groaned at the discomfort for lack of anything to do.

"Easy Darry." Maria's voice came really soft. It was almost weird. I felt like I was in some weird universe. Something streamed down my neck. "Honey, please lay still."

I felt her drag something cold across my neck. "Stop," I was surprised how raspy my voice was.

She held pulled her rag back. "Are you alright? You blacked out for a second. Pony and Soda called me and dragged you in here." She stroked my hair.

"My throat feels like it is on fire." I answered honestly. My words were still coming out in a croaked voice. "Where are my brothers?"

"Sunny ran out after he dropped you on the floor. Pony and Soda are around the house. Darry, what happened? Why did he attack you like that?"

"It was over that fight I had with Grace. I couldn't tell you what happened, one second he was screaming at me, when I said I didn't want to talk about this in front of Pony, he started choking me." I collapse down on my pillow. "I thought my brother was going to kill me."

She leaned over and kissed my forehead, just in time for Pony to walk in. "Sorry!' He muttered quickly as Maria and I both jumped.

"No, Ponyboy!" We said at the same time. Maria smiled at him. I looked over; he was as red as a tomato. "I'm leaving, why don't you sit with Darry for a little bit. I have to go back into work."

Pony nodded, "Yeah."

I patted the bed. "Come here, kiddo." It burned worse when I opened my mouth.

Maria squeezed my hand. "Bye, Pony."

The door clicked. "What have you been up too?"

"Nothing," He answered. He kept staring at me. I remembered how horrible it was after I hit him. Soda refused to talk to me. I couldn't even choke out I'm sorry. I wondered if he was half as jittery as I was now.

"I'm alright, Pony. No harm done." I lied.

"Your neck has hand prints on it."

* * *

It was really hot out, but I didn't like how the air felt inside. I shuffled through a couple of pictures. I came across one of the drawings that Pony did. It was a drawling Pony did for art class. It was him and Sunny. Sunny was picking him up by his upper arms and kissing him. The real picture was taken when we were in Florida; Pony drew it for an art assignment he was supposed to draw an image of happiness, but after hours of drawling it he didn't bring it to school. He never said why, but I had a feeling it was because he was embarrassed of it, Sunny kissing him and all. Yeah, we were all really happy that day. Now we were all in some alternate universe, I hated it.

"What no hippie gathering today? You're not going to go down to the lake and sit around a camp fire and sing?" Steve walked up the path. He perched himself on the step.

"Shut up." I snapped. "Don't get pissed off at me because I have other friends." I had brought Steve and Two-Bit to meet Jay and Allen to keep it simple, it didn't go well, not at all.

"They're cowardly hippies. You like fighting, and drag racing. Hell, you said yourself, that even Sunny hates them."

Something in me just snapped. My friends didn't get a long and now my brothers weren't getting along and I was sick of being on the side lines watching or worse caught in between. I jumped out of my chair. "Who cares!" I screamed. "Sunny can take it shove it. Sunny hates the whole world! I'm not even exaggerating. It's like someone turned a switch on inside of him. I wish it would turn off."

Steve looked shocked by my out burst. "What's going on? Is his family back?"

"He choked Darry." I mumbled as I shoved some of the stuff I brought out on the porch with me. I found Pony's cigarettes, and lit one up.

Steve smirked at first, but when he realized I was serious he sat down, and lit up too. "Wow. Why?"

"Why? Because he's psychotic, he needs to be in a loony house. He's been this way since the war." I puffed out a ring of smoke. It was the first time I said that, and it felt good to get it off my chest. "Something is wrong with him. Seriously wrong. He nearly killed Darry. With his hands on his neck, he picked Darry right off the ground and slammed him into a wall choking him. Darry almost turned as blue as the sly. All because he yelled at Grace."

"Maybe he doesn't like people messing with his woman." Steve offered. He thought for a second. "Or maybe the war got to him. I heard about how some guys came back and they just lost it. Some of them became addicts, some of them killed themselves. It happens when they can't take the war on like real men."

Steve supported the war. I thought I did too until Sunny came home and until Allen, Buddy, Jay , Anna and all of them pointed out to me everything wrong with it. "You can call it patriotic; you can call me a rebel, or a coward, but let me tell you something. War ain't good when you are forced into to like Sunny was. You can support this war all you want, you can even enlist like you had planned, but if this war makes people like Sunny is, then I'd rather hope for peace."

"That makes you a hippie, and a hypocrite you wanted to enlist with me." He was just being sarcastic, but he was making me mad, this wasn't a sarcastic matter.

I jumped off the rocker, flicking my cigarette but at him. "I don't want anything to do with a war that makes people like Sunny, turn into nut cases. I was wrong. War ain't exciting and adventurous, it's horrible." I slammed the screen shut and went inside.

I didn't want to go to school, but Darry made me. I remember being up eating cereal. Sunny didn't come home, I tried to tell myself that I didn't want him to come home. I saw the hand prints on his neck matched the almost faded one on my wrist. I shuttered, my wrist felt broken after he hurt it. I wondered if Darry's neck felt broken.

"Bye kiddo." He croaked out. His eyes still looked as shocked as they did when Sunny's hand seized his neck.

I waved and made my way to English class. I couldn't concentrate. I wondered if Steve was going to be mad at me. I tried not putting grease in my hair today, but by third period I couldn't take it anymore and put some in. I didn't want to go home. I knew Sunny could be there. I didn't want to see him, not yet at least. I went down to Main Street, even though I knew Darry didn't want me there. I went into the coffee shop, where Jay, Anna and Allen were hanging out. Ben was with them. Ben was Jay's older brother. He was more political, more hippie and probably even smarter than Ponyboy. He was Darry's age and went to the local college but he lived in a big rainbow painted house off of Main Street. He was almost always high. He was always up for sharing or buying his brother and friends beer. I always wondered if Darry would have done that if our parents hadn't of died.

Jay looked up at me and grinned really big. "Your brother is literary genius."

"Why is that?" I asked. Jay threw a stack of papers bound together. Ben always had these, it was from underground publishing company that published anti government works and civil rights stuff.

_The Pledge of My Allegiance: by Sunshine Curtis_ was typed across the cover. "Keep it." Ben said. "And read it, whether you want to or not."

"Thanks," I said they always gave me this stuff, but I rarely actually read it. This time I was going to.

"Man, when he walked through the door last night, every lady in the house threw themselves at him. Did he teach you how to play? He bragged about how good you were."

"Sunny was at your house?" I looked at Ben. Why the hell would Sunny stay at some hippie house?

"Yeah, he came in with John."

I had no clue who John was. A sick feeling washed over me. I gripped the pages oh his story tighter. "What's this about?"

"Nam," Jay answered me. "I didn't even sleep last night. I read it straight through and didn't finish it yet."

I suddenly wanted to read this. "I got to get home guys. I'll see ya'll Friday."

* * *

"Sunny's Curtis' office," I said telephone.

"What the hell were you thinking?" A voice growled into the phone.

I sighed putting my pen down. "What did I do this time?" I asked.

"First you go on campaign with a Democrat, and now you write this anti American bull shit."

"Really? It spread all the way to California? In just a week." I grinned. "I bet you just can't wait for part two can you, Dad?"

"Sunshine Shay Curtis" He barked at me like I was Pony's age. He paused for a second. I could bet anything he was sitting behind his desk at work gnawing on a pen cap. He always did that when he fumed. "People are saying I have a son who committed treason. You write that second part and I swear I will not let you back into my house every again."

"Part two goes to print in two weeks, then part three."

"I will not, I repeat will NOT, have son who commits treason. I brought you up right, and my god you better start acting like it. I'm sorry if you didn't want to go and fight, but it was your patriotic duty."

"You don't know shit." I said and hung up the phone. I looked at my articles. I had a deadline to meet, I put my head on my desk, there was only one way for me to get through this day.

* * *

"Jeeze, Pony couldn't you wait until night or early morning to take a run?" Darry hollered.

I rolled my eyes as I brushed passed him to get some water. "Sometimes you just have to run mid day." Everything in nature was against you mid day, but if you got through it okay, then it made you feel tough.

"Yeah, well when you die of heat stroke, I'm not taking you to the hospital?"

"Wouldn't you have to take me to the morgue if I was dead?"

Darry sighed. "Don't give me lip. Look, I have to drop these bills off at the post office. Think you'll be okay for twenty minutes?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." I turned the radio on and found some Jimi Hendrix before digging a fork into the chocolate cake.

"That guy sure can play." Darry smacked me on top of the head with the bills. "See ya' later."

I went about eating chocolate cake. I felt bad for Darry; it was like he was hurt and humiliated by Sunny. I couldn't figure out which was more though. I found his newspaper and began to look at the new movie openings. I was getting through the last of the lists, when I heard a gentle humming on the porch. It was Blue Moon, and there was only one person who went around humming blue moon, and that was Sunny. I wished I would have gone with Darry.

I thought about going to my room and hopping out the window and going to the DX. "Hey baby."

My fork slipped out of my hand. I looked up at Sunny. "Hi."

He grinned lopsided. "I'm back."


	9. a little more bud

I pulled my legs up in the chair as he made his way over. His eyes were red. I guess he had been crying, I'd be crying to if I nearly killed one of my brothers. "You alright?"

I nodded not really knowing what to say to him. I went back to the cake wishing that someone was here. Sunny could hardly stand the sight of me so knowing him he'd either be going to the basement or his room.

He didn't, instead he sat down next to me. "Look, Pony, I know I scared you yesterday. I'm sorry very, deeply, incredibly sorry about that. I can't even use words to express it. I love you guys. You know that right?"

I nodded. Sunny grinned. "I'm changing, kiddo. I just need to work on things. I need you guys to be patient until I can get my act together."

He had done so much for us, I guess it was the least I could do for him. I had heard the horror stories of people when they came back from war; I wondered if my brother had one he wasn't sharing. "It's okay, Sunny." I said. "We all make mistakes."

"Thanks" He rubbed his hands over his eyes. "Give me a bite will you?"

I held my fork out to him. "I thought you didn't eat shit food."

He smiled. "What's one time, huh?"

He started talking but everything felt like it was underwater, the only thing I could take notice was Darry, his arms full of groceries and the stricken that he wore on his face. The last time I saw that look on his face was when he disobeyed Mom and Dad tossed football in the house and, broke a couple of the dishes that were given to Mom and Dad on their wedding day.

Sunny whirled around. "Here," He took a couple bags from Darry's arms. "You got more?"

"Truck," Darry responded. Sunny brushed passed him to go get more groceries. "You okay?" He asked me.

"Never been better," I answered.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, and went out to the truck. I had no clue what was said, but when they came back in Darry went right to starting dinner. Sunny clapped a hand on his back. He looked back at him and grinned.

* * *

"Hey, kiddo what's going on?" Sunny was perched behind his work with a cigarette in his mouth. "I thought you were going to the DX."

It had been a few days since the Darry incident. We all had sort of gotten over it, I guess with everything that had happened we were a resilient family. Everything was as normal as it got at the Curtis House.

"Can we get ice creme?" I asked hopping around the heap of papers. "My treat."

Sunny smirked. "With what money?"

"I got money from cutting the Johnson's grass." I answered.

"Really?" Sunny asked, "I'll remember that when the electric bill comes. Maybe I'll charge you rent too."

He used the pink, erase on the tip of his pencil to poke at my ribs. I fell into the couch next to him. "Knock it off." I hissed between jabs. "What were you and Grace fighting about last night?"

He put his cigarette in his ash tray. "First you want ice crème, now you get the urge to talk about something that you are way too young to understand."

"I'm not that young." I pushed. "Besides she was hollering so loud you had to expect me to ask questions."

Sunny smirked and grinned out his cigarette in the ash tray. She's mad because I refuse to go to church with her, or be married in a church."

"I thought you didn't mind going to church?"

"That was when I believed in God."

"You don't believe in God?" My mouth dropped open. Sunny had to believe in God. Since Grace happened to him he started praying and going to church with her family every Sunday. Even Darry and Soda believed in God, and they didn't go to church.

He smiled at me. "Pony, I saw a lot of stuff. You wouldn't understand.

"Look, I'm going to jog about a mile. When I come back, we can pick Soda up from school and then get ice crème. " He patted my head and left.

* * *

I slipped underneath the bridge, smiling at the fact it was significantly cooler than walking in the hot sun. I perched my self on a rock and looked down at my cigarette case. I only needed one joint, and I'd be good for the rest of the day. I took one of the joints out 

that John, a buddy from my work, gave me. It was the only thing that kept me on a sane level. It made the nightmares stop, it made me calmer less angry. I could tolerate my family. I only had my brothers left, I wasn't about to lose them, or Grace. That distinct smell filled the air. I felt my body relax.

I took a jog around the park; the marijuana had yet to hit me. It wasn't until the jog home I felt it hit me. I sat back on the porch and laughed at the shapes in the cloud. It had been a while since pot made me geek out.

"Sunny, were going to be late. What's so funny?" Pony stepped out on the porch.

I grinned up at him lazily. "Nothing kid.

Pony cocked his eyebrow in the same manner that Two-Bit does. "Can we go now?"

"Get in the car." I pulled myself off the porch steps. "let's go."

"Sunny," Soda started once we had finally picked him up, and made it to the ice crème place. "What's with the sweet stuff? You never used to eat it."

"I guess I just missed it." I answered. I tapped my cigarette pack in my pocket. I'd have to get another one in before Darry came home.


	10. Chapter 10

I starred at the television set. My stomach knotted up. I glanced over at Darry; he has a confused look on his face. Images of the dead senators campaign flashed all across the television.

"Why him?" Darry questioned out loud. "Why would someone assassinate Bobby Kennedy?"

"He would have pulled us out of Vietnam. I bet the government did it." I told him as I bent down to tie my shoes. I had a feeling my boss was going to call me soon. I'd either be doing an all nighter in the office, or hoping on the next flight to California to get the information on the assassination. "We just lost hope."

Darry looked at me like I just grew a third arm. "When did you become so anti government?"

I didn't have time to answer his question the phone rang. "I'll be back in two days." I hollered over my shoulder. "I have to write something tonight, and then get on a plane."

I tossed my brown box in the suitcase. Who would have ever thought that grass would help the anger? Smoking had became a daily routine. I smoked in the morning, right after work, before I came home. I then smoked again at some point in the night.

The flight to California was hell. The turbulence outside shook the plane like crazy. There were screaming kids. The stewardess had the world's most annoying voice. I was on edge. There was no way I was going to start covering Bobby Kennedy's death like that. I stepped into a back ally once I was far away from the airport. I still had a good distance to the hotel, so any trace of the smell on my clothing would be aired out but the time I walked there. I opened my brown box to nothing but seeds and stems. "Shit." I said out loud.

"Hey can I get a dime?" A man about my step Dad's age came walking toward me. He had a long beard, his clothes were ratted up and his scandals were worn. He was a bum. I hated when they asked me for money.

"Get a job." I muttered pissed off more about the fact that I didn't realize I was out of grass.

"I haven't had a job since Korea. No one wants to helps us. I served for my country. Can't you spare a dime?" He bagged approaching.

I saw things go black. It was like when a choked Darry, and bruised Soda. Something inside me snapped. Why they hell should I care about veterans? In my opinion, anyone who served a war and then thinks everyone in the world owes him is a sick bastard.

"Break it up!" I felt something throw me to the ground. The cop put a hard foot on my chest.

The world had come back to color. The cop was a lot heavier than I was, and he was cutting off my air. I looked at the bum. I could see the bruising setting in on his face, his lip was busted, and his nose.

"What is going on?" The cop demanded. He took his foot of my chest.

"That asshole attacked me." The bum said. He used his sleeve to wipe the blood from his lip.

"He harassed me. I'm with the Tulsa Today. I'm trying to find the hotel where Kennedy was shot." I explained as I picked myself off the ground.

The cop starred back and forth between the bum and I. He let out a strong breath. "You." He pointed at me. "Start walking to where you need to get. And you." He turned to the bum. "Just go back to what you were doing."

I took off running in the direction of the hotel. I wasn't about to land myself in jail over a bum.

"Ponyboy!" I shook my youngest brother awake.

He groaned, and rolled over to face me. "Hi." He said sitting up. I could tell he was still tired.

I grinned. "Hello." I jumped on the couch next to him. "What are you doing sleeping on the couch you mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad. I'm just kind of old to be sharing a bed with my brother. You know?" He looked kind of sad. I understood what he was saying. He didn't have nightmares anymore.

I gave him a friendly punch in the arm. "I guess you realized there weren't monsters in your closest huh? Want to go down to Main Street with me. They are having some rally or something for that senator?" I asked.

"Don't you think Darry will get mad? Don't people do drugs?" Pony asked. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Nah, they do poetry readings, and play music in that park down there too." My friends from school are going they asked me to go.

"The gang going?" Pony asked as he got up to stretch his back out. I don't know how they sleep on that couch.

"Two-Bit is, he likes all the free love some of the girls give." I grinned thinking back to all the lines that he had feed to the girls

"You don't talk to Steve much do you?" It was more of a statement than a question.

I shook my head. I was still upset with the fact that we could hardly have a conversation anymore. "We're different Pony. At first I didn't think people could change. I think I changed. After everything that has happened, and the way Sunny is now." I trailed off. That was the good thing about Ponyboy, with him things clicked right away. With Darry, you had to explain it.

"Yeah, Sunny really makes you question war." Pony said. "Hey, I don't have to wear tie-dye do I?" He eyed my shirt. Before heading into the room to change.

"Chicks dig my shirt!" I shouted after him. "You know they like it, it ain't boring like all the black and white stuff you guys wear!"

I heard the door slam. I turned around to see Darry standing there in black work jeans and a white shirt. He was giving me a funny look. "Your shirt looks like a rainbow threw up. Where are you two headed too?"

" We are going to hang out around Main Street." I answered. "There is a thing for that senator guy." I still wasn't into politics and that stuff, but I was going for my friends.

I watched Darry bite down on his lip. I knew he didn't want us to go. "Keep and eye on Pony, and don't do drugs."

I looked down at the new welcome mat my Mom must have bought. I had canceled the hotel reservation to see my parents. Actually, hitting that bum today gave me chills. I hadn't lost it like that in a while. I needed to get some help. I was still on edge.

"Shay? What are you doing here?" My Mom sounded surprised, but it wasn't a happy surprise.

"I had to come report the senator's death." I answered. She wouldn't open the door to fully let me in. I could see the glow of the televisions down the hallway. I knew my step Dad was home.

"Shay, I'm sorry but you can't stay here. Your father is really angry at the stuff you have been writing about the war. About our government. He needs time to cool off. Everyone is staring me at when I go out. They think you are a flag burner."

"It's one night. I need to talk to you guys." I said trying to step inside

"We need some time." She stated. She held her hand up. I never would have guessed her thin hands, could have been strong barrier against her only son. I thought back to Pony's story, how he said his parents accepted all his friends as their own, even Dallas Winston.

"I get it." I smirked. I really didn't. They had no clue the shit that I went through. "I'll stay else where."

"I'm sorry." She shut the door.

I ripped the flag down from the side of your house. "Fuck you!" I threw it on ground, and dug it into the ground with my feel. "Fuck family" I spit on the flag.

I started walking toward the beach. I had arrived in time to see the sun start to rise. There was something about the Pacific Ocean; it wasn't peaceful like the gulf or Atlantic. The Pacific Ocean had rage filled waves, which crashed onto the sand. Those waves filled with hidden dangers of what lurked underneath. Those waves could pull a person underneath and strangle them. I pulled out my camera and took a picture. I was focusing the lens when I caught sight of a couple of kid's Soda's age running toward the ocean. They had surfboards, if California was still the same that mean, that they had weed too.

* * *

The smell of Italian food filled the air. I grinned, ever since summer stated all Soda and Darry made for dinner were different varieties of hamburgers and hotdogs.

"Thank god" I said as I ran into the kitchen for a Pepsi.

"For what?" Maria asked. She was standing over the stove.

"Where's Darry?" I asked surprised that she was standing there.

"Well your brother was starving when he called me to tell me he couldn't get a hold of you or Soda. Then I got roped into cooking dinner for your guys tonight." She said

"Oh, you didn't have to go all out. You could have just made chicken or something."

"I thought about that, and then when I opened your refrigerator and saw it stacked with burgers and hotdogs. I figured you guys had to be tired of it. Besides, I love to cook."

I always felt some odd tension between Maria and I. I knew it was because of how I acted when her and Darry started dating. The truth was, she was a really good girl. She treated my brother like a prince. "Hey, if you're hungry, you can grab a few meatballs. Where is Soda? Shouldn't he be doing homework?"

I threw a couple meatballs on some bread. "He is hanging out with people from school. I think they had plans to work on a project. I'm not sure. They are a little strange, I'm not into the hippie thing." I said thinking back to today. They were all nice people, but I'd even prefer hanging out with Steve to them.

"What wrong; don't like peace and love?" Maria teased. "I thought you would dig. All the art, music and poetry that surrounds it."

I didn't consider their art to be real art, all it was throwing paint around, and the music was no Elvis. I just kind of shrugged at Maria. "I don't really have much time."

"Where is my food woman!" I heard the door slam. Maria didn't seem to find Darry's choice of words very humorous.

He walked into the kitchen grinning like the Cheshire cat. "It smells great." He looked at Maria's very UN enthused expression. "I was only kidding. "

Maria tried to smack his arm with a wooden spoon. She brought out a whole new Darry. He was normal around her, and kind of goofy. He caught her arm and picked her up over his shoulder with ease. He started spinning around.

"I have football practice I said loudly. Darry dropped Maria on her feet. "You have what? There is no way? You are too little for high school football."

I rolled my eyes. I was getting sick and tired of being the baby. "Coach Kelly, asked me to go out for the team after he saw me in gym, it's just for a kicker."

Darry was looking right through me. "Good luck, Ponyboy. Football brings scholarships, it will look good on your transcripts."

"Yeah, I know." I said pulling a piece of paper out of my pocket. I'm also five pounds under the weight limit. You need to sign this."

Darry snatched the paper from my hand. "It's just a kicker, you can't get that injured, I guess it's a good thing you grew a few inches."

"Thanks, see ya guys." I said. It was finally nice to get that off my chest.

I ran to school. I was going to make sure that I was in the best shape of my life. So, I ran to and from pracice. I was one of the last guys to practice. I liked it that way. I was still a greaser, on a team of socs. I took a seat on the bleachers.

"Ponyboy, something is up, do you know what it is?" Mike was a second string quarterback, I wasn't sure if he was accusing or actually asking me.

I looked around taking notice that Benjamin wasn't around. That was odd, usually anyone who was first string had to be at practice early. I shook my head, and stared down at hands.

"Listen up men" Coach shouted. He always shouted when he talked. He also always called us men. He claimed it was because boys didn't play football. Men did. "You already are loosing brain cells crashing into each other. However, if any of you would like to be any more stupid and smoke dope. Get the hell off my bleachers, and turn your jersey into my office tomorrow."

We all started at the coach. "Yesterday, Benjamin got caught smoking dope. That is a two-week suspension, two months of detention, and he isn't allowed in any extra curricular. With that saying, we need someone to take his place. Now, I want to remind you. I only have room for men on my team. Men don't cry. So, I don't want to hear your tears over who is picked." It was the first time coach looked nervous. "Curtis!"

I jumped down here. "Yeah, coach?"

"Get down here, the rest of you start doing laps."

The assistant coach who was also the gym teacher was laughing as I made my way down. "No, way. Give it to Johnson. He'll become minced meat. Have you seen the size of some of those guys?"

"He is Darrel Curtis kid brother. Johnson has butter fingers. You got that paper Ponyboy?"

"Yes, sir"

"Get out there kid, you got a lot of training to do before you start in our first game."


	11. Chapter 11

There was something about my girlfriend. I could loose all my control in seconds with her. "Your gorgeous." I whispered to her. I broke our kiss for a second.

She grabbed my plaid shirt forcing me into her. She slightly bit my lip, and I deepened the kiss. She was wearing one of those shorter dresses. It showed off her legs. It was tighter in her chest. I lost slight control of my hands.

"Holy, shit take that into the bedroom!"

We jumped apart. Maria stared down at the floor. She was so embarrassed. Her face was red. I ran a hand through my hair. It was a nervous habit. "When did you get back?" I asked.

Sunny shook his head at us. "Darrel, do we need to have the no girls in the house, while home alone apply to you too?"

I could feel my ears go red, the same way Pony's do when he gets mortified.

"I got back this morning. Clearly, I'm going to have to leave Pony in charge when I leave." He smiled.

"Shut up!" I snapped for the sake of having nothing to say about my situation.

" I think I should go." Maria said. She kissed my cheek, and didn't take her eyes off the floor as she walked past Sunny.

Sunny punched my shoulder. "Take it easy there. I was only teasing you."

"No, your right, it could have been bad if Pony or Soda walked in." Good lord that would have been horrible. I was supposed to set an example.

I watched as Sunny dug a piece of bread into the sauce she made. "Please, I wish my girlfriend would have grab my butt once in a while."

"Trouble in paradise?" I asked.

"There's no trouble because there is no paradise. We called off the engagement today." He took the ring out of his pocket and tossed it up in his hand. "You know what I want.? I want a home, where my brothers know that no matter what mistake they make, or how bad it is. They can always come home. That's unconditional love."

"What happened?" I asked. The guy nearly choked me to death for fighting with her. Now all the sudden he was all smiles as he came into the kitchen.

Sunny tossed his fedora on the table, and knelt down under the sink. He pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels and poured some into a glass. "Are you drunk?" I asked as he then put the bottle back under the sink.

"Nope." He grinned. "I don't want social services coming in here and finding my whiskey, or better yet, I don't want Soda's hippie friends to take it. Or Two-Bit. And we couldn't seem to get our views in line. She is all about God, and Jimi Hendrix is the only god I believe in."

"Do you know Pony has been practicing with the football team all summer?" I asked changing subject. He was acting too strange to talk about Grace now.

Sunny burst out laughing. "He's a midget."

"He's almost Soda's height."

"Does he even weight 100 pounds?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I think it will be good for him. He's just a kicker."

Sunny face dropped. He starred of in space for a second and then shook his head. "There is no way, even if he is Soda's height for him to make the weight limit. If he gets hit by one of those guys, or tackled. He could get his brains knocked out."

"I signed him in to play." I said. This wasn't how Sunny was supposed to take it.

"That was really stupid." Sunny slammed his now empty glass down. "Don't put him in danger, because your tickled pink that one of your brother's wants to follow in your foot steps. "

"He wanted to pay. You know how much hard work goes into football. I wasn't going to tell him no. Not after he put all those hours in. Not to mention he needs to venture out of his box a little."

He just shook his head at me. " I just hope he doesn't get hurt."

* * *

"Are you seriously in my senior math class?" Steve asked grabbing my schedule.

I watched everyone come piling into the hallway. You could hardly tell the greasers from socs. They were all hippies. I just wanted to put more grease on my hair. There was no way I was ever going to convert. "Don't worry, I don't cover my answers."

Steve smacked the back of my head. "Don't get cocky."

"Hey Pony. You looked good on the practice field yesterday." Angela Sheppard smiled as she walked by me.

"Thanks." I said back

Steve glared at me. "She has her sights set on you. You better watch out."

I didn't have time to respond because Two-Bit looped his arm around Randy Anderson's shoulders. "Hey there baby, how about a movie Saturday night." He cracked up laughing at his own joke.

Randy had turned into a hippie too. His hair was long. He grew his beard out. Today he had on bell-bottoms, with a fringed vest. It was way to weird.

"This ain't going to be a good year for me. All these boys with this extra long hair. I can't tell the difference between the females and the males!" Two- Bit opened his locked and adjusted his hair in the small mirror on the side.

"I'll give you a hint. The girls are the one's with boobs." Steve said.

"Hey Ponyboy, will you walk me to class? Those stupid baseball players outside my room always try to grab my rear. They won't do it if you are with me." Angie twirled a fraction of her hair around her finger.

"Sure Angel." I said. "See ya'll later." I said to Steve and Two-Bit.

* * *

"Sodapop! What's going on man?" Allen always said my name so weird. It was like he never could get over that it was really Sodapop.

"I saw Sunny yesterday! He went to my brother's house." Allen's brother lived in a giant green and orange house. His brother's did a lot of drugs. I was surprised Sunny wanted to do anything with him."

"He came home sometime yesterday from his trip. His article is in the newspaper if you want it." I still couldn't get into the whole reading thing. It just bored me way to much. "I have nothing that sounds good. I'm supposed to make a song, out of the scale. I can't figure one out."

"Want some creative juice?" Allen glanced over his shoulder. "I got some grass, that will take you out of your creative rut."

I grinned. "No thanks. I don't do that stuff. Not to mention if I got caught, Sunny would skin me, and Darry would ground me until I turned eighteen."

"Please all those writers, musicians and artist do it. I tried LSD this weekend. It isn't bad. The government just doesn't want us to have it. So they say it is bad. Jim Morrison does it, Jack Kerouac probably has. Besides, it's not like Sunny would tell Darry, or actually skin you." He said. I couldn't believe he could still function. He was a cool guy, but a little strange at times.

"You don't know my brother too well." I stuffed my sheet music into my folder.

"Why would he get mad? He bought weed off my brother."

I dropped my folder sending my sheet music flying all over. "No way. Not my brother."


	12. Chapter 12

I sat around on the sidewalk waiting for the black caddy to pull up. Instead I got the beat up ford. Darry wasn't very happy looking. He went on to tell me that he had gotten a letter in the mail saying I was failing math. I didn't even know they sent those letters out. I would have gotten it out of the mailbox.

"Yeah, the teacher gave me a huge packet of extra credit." I said as I started out the window. I wasn't sure if I cared that Sunny smoked pot. Two-Bit tried it, I knew Dally smoked because Tim did and well they were two of a kind . It didn't really have an affect on my friends at school that did it. On the other hand, if those people from the state figured it out, we could get taken away. Pony and I could be split up. Darry would be furious.

Something poped in my face. I realized Darry had snapped his fingers in them. "Huh?" I asked

"This is why you are failing math. You can't pay attention." Darry growled. "When is that packet due?"

"The twelfth." I answered. This is why I didn't want to be in school.

"Sodapop!" Darry slammed on his breaks hard at the stop sign. "That is tomorrow!"

"Hey, I didn't agree to go back to school! I was perfectly happy working at a gas station and contributing to my family! It was you and stupid Sunny that made me go back!" I felt my face get hot. I didn't like fighting with Darry. I always ended up bawling like a baby.

"Look, I know you aren't happy, but your income isn't needed anymore. Finishing school is going to be better in the long run for you. Not to mention, the state has been off our backs since you went back to school. You need to finish, Sodapop. End of story." He rubbed his temples. "Look when we get home. We'll start on your homework." He rubbed his temples over his head.

"Wonderful." I said. There was no more to the conversation. Darry was serious. He didn't even let me take a break. We started on the math extra credit right away.

"Soda, do you have a lot of other homework?" He was paging though the packet.

"Just reading." I answered. I didn't bother to tell him I didn't have plans to actually read anything. "I also have problems one though thirty odd."

"You're going to have to catch up with that reading on your weekend." He said. "This packet is going to take all night. You shouldn't have waited last minute."

Two and a half hours later we were only on the second page. Darry was frustrated and I was frustrated. "Darry, why can't I just fail, I'm not going to learn this." I pleaded.

I was thankful for when Sunny and Pony came though the door. Darry jumped to his feet. "What did his school want?" Darry asked.

"Our brother is the biggest moron." Pony said. I could tell he was kidding.

Sunny picked Pony up and swung him on the couch. "Shut it! I let you drive."

"What's going on?" Darry demanded.

"Pony's theme, they want him to take English and history and math that will give him some college credits." Sunny said.

"Sunny traded his cadillace for a used truck!"

Darry laughed until he saw the look on Sunny's face that let him know he was serious. I watched him jog to the front door. "You moron!"

Sunny held up a wad of cash. "I think this can be used in better places."

"Why would you do that? What are the chances to ever being able to own a car like that again?" Darry just stood there shaking his head.

"Anyways, Darry. College credits!" Sunny put emphasis on college credits.

"Darry gave a rare true smile. "That's great kid."

"Yeah."

"Pony do you know anything about this x and y business?" I asked holding up my math packet.

"Sure." Pony would have gone on but Darry cut him off.

"No, he needs to learn that! You can't do his math for him. Ya, hear me Ponyboy?"He then turned to Sunny and began to explain all about my math grade.

I sat in my chair and looked Sunny up and down. He didn't look high. He looked like Sunny. I never had seen him all giggly, or stoned looking. He was always kind of spacey so you wouldn't be able to tell from that.

"Darry's making it worse!" I said in my own defense.

Darry rolled his eyes at me. "You are getting way too mouthy."

"Let me try to help him." Sunny sat down at the table across from me. He examined the packet. "Okay, this type of math looks scarier than it is. Once you simply it will be easier than you realize." He said. "And for the life of me I don't know where you will use log rythems and this type of algebra."

I smiled a little bit at least he was a lot calmer than Darry was. Not to mention Darry hollering "You just have to learn it!"That just made me all jittery.

* * *

The first game was against the North High dragons. I could hardly believe it. Coach Carter was so nervous because in gym he didn't put me against anyone much bigger than me. We had to play basketball. I never got the point of this game. Sunny loved basketball and so did Darry. I just couldn't get into it.

Coach Carter blew on his whistle, right before the guy I was playing against made a basket. The kid rolled his eyes at me. "Ponyboy, You need to go to my office with me."

He was serious. I figured he was going to say something about tonight but when I got there, there were two police officers standing inside along with the principal.

"Ponyboy, I need to talk to your about Mark Jennings."

"What about Mark?" I asked as I sat in a chair. "I haven't seen him in a while, he supposed to come to the game tonight you"

"He's been arrested." The officer cut me off.

"Do we have to do this now? This boy is supposed to play football tonight?"

"If you would like to stay in here, I would advise you to shut up and let me talk to the boy. Ponyboy, I will cut to the chase. He got arrested for possession and the possible selling of LSD. You hung around with him. Do you know anything about this, who he has been selling too, where at, anything?"

I didn't know he was selling. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. A girl Kathy I had liked, her little brother got all messed up from that stuff. For the life of me, I didn't know why anyone would do that. I wondered if he had sold to Kathy's brother. "No, sir. I didn't know he was selling."

"You spent time with him. You can honestly tell me that you didn't know?" The police officer was looking at me like I was a deliquent.

"Sir I'd get taken away from my brothers for things like that. I don't do drugs. I don't understand why someone would do them."

"Look officer, the kid said he didn't know. The boy who lived with him didn't know until last night, and he called the cops on him. We conditioned twice a day in the summer. He cut neighbors lawns for some money. Ponyboy Curtis has nothing to do with drugs or anything else."

I could tell the officers had looked at my record. They knew who I was. They new I was liked to Dally, they probably wanted to arrest me too. "Look, Ponyboy, if you know anything you let us know." He handed me a card.

"Have a nice day." Coach Carter said as he opened his office door and waved the police out. "Give me the card."

I handed the officer's card over to Coach Carter. He tore it into pieces and tossed into the trash. "You need to get better friends, or better yet just play football. This is our first game, and it's a big one."

"I'll be fine coach, but if you don't mind, I need to go outside for a minute."

"I know you have been through a lot kid. You got something going for you. Don't screw it up like your buddies. You better not smoke more than one cigarette either."

I got out of my chair and went outside. It was just now starting to get cold again. Mark and I had become pretty good buddies. Some how, it didn't surprise me either he was selling drugs. I don't know why. I wasn't exactly ready to loose another friend. Coach Carter has said buddies, he wasn't referring to just Mark. He meant Dallas, and Johnny. I lit my cigarette. Johnny wasn't hood. He had saved kids, but that didn't cover up the fact in some peoples minds that he killed Bob. Some people just wouldn't look at the fact that Bob was the real hood. Johnny saved my life.

"Can I bum one?"

I looked up to see Steve standing there. "Cutting class?"

Steve shook his head. "I saw the police, and then saw you come out. I'm sorry about Mark, it sucks loosing a friend." I handed him my box of smokes.

"Yeah, life aint going to get normal?" I wondered if Steve was talking about Soda, or if he was referring to Johnny or Dally.

Steve sat down next to me. "When is it ever? Look kid, don't get mixed in with the shit."

I looked over at Steve. "I don't want too. Getting high it just hasn't lead to good things. Bob, Johnny's parents, Mark, and MandM. Sunny drinks a lot now. I don't think he realizes how much more messed up it's making him."

I looked over at Steve. He was just staring at me like I had grown two more heads. "When the hell did you grown up?"

"Wow, is someone finally noticed."

The bell rang. Steve smashed his cigarette in the grass. "Let's get to class."

It was in history class, that the guy next to me jabbed me with his pencil. "Hey, are you related to him?" He held up a really thin book, it was hardly even a book. It read I Pledge My Allegiance by: Sunshine Curtis. It had a picture of the president with an American flag over his eyes.

I nodded. He was the type kid who would burn flags.

"Hey, if your finished can I read it?"

"Your brother is wicked! Here, I'm finished with it. Man, it must be awesome living with him!"

I stuffed the book in my backpack. It was going to be interesting to read it. Maybe get some insight to Sunny.

* * *

We hadn't even been there five minutes and girls were all over Soda.

"Maybe we should have put a mask on him." Sunny whispered.

I laughed. "Are you kidding me, I think they would be able to sniff him out. He goes to the music school now, they are either loving a sensitive artist, or they think it's mysterious."

The game was about to start. It was Pony's first game. I think I might have been more excited than he was.

"Darrel, what number is Ponyboy?" Sunny asked suddenly. He had a sharp tone.

"Twenty six." I answered then suddenly realized why his voice was no sharp. "Kickers don't start! Soda do you know anything about this, do any of you?"

Soda shook his head along with Steve and Two-Bit.

"He's a receiver." Sunny stated. "If that fucking fat ass, tackles him."

The guy behind us glared at us. "Shut up will you? Some of us are watching the game."

"Come on Pony!" Soda cheered as the ball went straight toward my youngest brother who caught it and took off running. However he went faster than a stack of bricks when not one but two guys came after him. He was sandwiched in the middle. From where I was standing it practically looked like he was snapped in half.

"Shit, that had to hurt." Sunny said.


	13. Chapter 13

"I can't believe you scored two touch downs!" Darry said he kept glancing in rearview mirror. He was driving Sunny's truck, since he had drank a too much.

"I can't believe you recovered from that first hit." Sunny slurred.

I rolled my eyes. I had a date tonight with Two-Bit's sisters friend. She was a blonde, and had pretty green eyes. She was also a cheerleader. I had to say she looked good in her uniform. The second the truck parked I headed for the bathroom. Two-Bit and Steve told me I couldn't take too long.

"So where is he going?" Darry asked.

"He has a date with Becky, the tiny little blonde cheerleader. She's a freshman." Steve answered.

I had just slipped into a new pair of jeans, when Darry knocked on the bathroom door. "Ponyboy?"

"I'll be out in a second." I hollered

"Are you dressed?"

"I have pants on." I answered. I didn't have to wonder what Darry wanted much longer. He barged into the bathroom as I was putting the finishing touches up on my hair. He just sort of stared at me. "What?" I asked.

"Umm." Darry shifted around uncomfortably. It was the first time he looked just purely uncomfortable around me. Seeing how half the time Soda would walk out the door without pants on I couldn't figure out what the issue was. Darry shook his head like he was trying to shake his thought out. "I would have killed for a six pack at your age." He punched lightly me lightly on my stomach.

"Shoot, I'm just skinny. I ain't built like you or Sunny."

"You ain't going to be a skinny boy for long. Is this your first date?"

I pulled my shirt on and started buttoning out. "I'm just taking her out for ice crème, Darry. She has a nine thirty curfew. I need to meet her Dad first."

Darry raised his eyebrows. "Look just don't do anything like what you hear the guys doing okay?"

I wasn't sure if he was trying to give me some sort of talk, or what. He was extremely uncomfortable. "Don't worry Darry. It's just a first date." I said.

He just nodded. "Have fun kiddo."

Two-Bit banged on the door. "What are you ladies doing shaving your legs?"

Darry rolled his eyes. I grinned. "I'm coming!"

Soda didn't even go with us that night. I picked Becky up and met her father, who didn't seem to be so pleased with my greased hair. He let her go out anyway. The guys ran over to Buck's.

"I've never seen eye color like yours. It's like they are grey. Hi." She said kind of bashfully.

I turned around to see Bryon standing there. "Look, I know you and Mark were buddies but."

I jumped up before he could finish. "But what? With how you and Mark were, heck you should have helped him, instead you put him in jail. You ratted him out. I'm sorry but I don't rat my friends or brothers out, and I sure as heck don't take excuses from rats. It's just not what people do."

"I did the right thing." He said. He was starting to look nervous for some reason.

"No, the right thing is standing by your family. Not turning them in. I should kick your ass." I said. Dally tried to hide Johnny and I from being charged for murder, I wasn't happy about what Mark had done, but it didn't give Bryon the right.

"Stop it!" Becky demanded. She looked scared. It was the first time since the rumble where I actually felt like a greaser. "Ponyboy, walk me home. I can't be late."

She tugged at my sleeve. I felt bad for her. I turned and started the walk back to her house. "I'm sorry about that."

"I don't know what happened, but you are right, family needs to stick together no matter what. It's like cheerleading, and the football team. If one goes down, they all do." She smiled as we walked up to her porch. Her Dad was sitting there cleaning a riffle.

He glanced down at his watch. "You got her home early." He said it in a very pleasing mannor. I could tell his riffle wasn't really dirty. He was cleaning it to scare me. In all honesty it almost worked.

"Yes sir." I said. "I was wondering if it would be okay, if I walked her home from practice on Monday."

Becky grinned. "Please Daddy, we'll come straight home."

"Come straight home."

I said good night to both her and her Dad and headed home. I kinda delayed going home. I still had a while before curfew. I just stopped to look up at the sky. It was a clear night. You could see all the stars.

Sunny was still passed out on the couch. I guess Darry had thrown a blanket over him. He looked up immediately when he heard the door open. "How was your date?" He asked.

"It was alright." I answered. "I guess, he didn't move all night." I pointed to Sunny.

There were times when Darry looked way older than his twenty one years. His face always showed how much he worry he actually carried. "No, we got back from the hospital. Sodapop and his friends did some stupid peace rally. A bunch of Brumley's came, and they didn't fight back." He had paused between the words came an and.

"Soda didn't finght back? Why wouldn't he defend himself?" I asked.

"Apperently defending yourself isn't peaceful." Darry sounded almost more annoyed with Soda, than he did with any of the stunts I pulled. "I think he's shaken up about it. He ain't used to letting someone pound on him."

"That's just stupid." I said as I walked back to the bedroom. Soda didn't turn to look at me when I opened the door. He didn't even look away from the ceiling when I sat next to him on his bed. He just layed there. His middle was taped up.

"Are you okay?" I asked. I was still in disbelief that he would allow himself to get jumped. Soda only nodded. "Why didn't you fight back?"

"Fighting doesn't do anything." He answered. I could tell by his tone that he didn't believe his own words.

"That doesn't make any sense not to defend yourself."

"It's hard to explain Pony. Just go to bed." He said.

"Don't do anything that stupid again. I'll skin you, do you hear me? You could have gotten killed by those guys." I sounded more like Darry than I ever thought was possible.

I guess Soda thought so too because he actually grinned. He didn't look at me but he grinned. "Do you know how many times I heard that tonight?"

"I laughed. " I think I can kind of imagine."

"Hey, I heard about Mark. That has to really stink." Soda said.

"Yeah, it does. Bryon is a traitor. I can't believe he would turn him in like that. He says he made the right decision too." I pulled off my shoes as I sat on the bed.

Soda finally turned his head to look at me. "What would you do if your brother did drugs? I mean he was dealing LSD."

I laid back on my bed trying to imagine any of my friends or brothers smoking pot or doing things like LSD. "All I know is that if Dally was willing to help Johnny and I avoid the pen when we had murder linked to us. Bryon shouldn't have done it."

"Yeah, I don't think I would rat my brothers out either." Soda said. "Hey, tell me about your date in the morning. I'm going to sleep."

I laid awake. My body was sore from the game. I thought about Becky, Mark, Soda. Everything was changing. I knew it was late, because I had heard Darry go to bed a while ago. All the sudden I head the sound of vomiting. It was strange, I guess Darry had developed the parent ears, because anytime Soda and I threw up during the night he was next to us before we could even blink. Just like Mom and Dad were. However, I didn't hear Darry take off running down the hall. I looked over at Soda; he was snoring. I got up to make sure Sunny wasn't puking on himself, or choking on his vomit.

The light from the bathroom illuminated the hallway. I grabbed a glass of water and took it to him. He was on his knees with his entire face stuck in the toilet. I could see his body heaving. Sunny lifted his head out.

"Here." I handed the glass of water to him. I hated it when he got this drunk. It just wasn't right. The only upside was that he slept heavier and didn't dream about the war.

"Thanks baby." He said as he took the water out of my hand. He took a few sips. "You played a good game today." That was another thing that annoyed me. He pretended like I didn't know he was drunk or hung over.

"I'm surprise you can remember it." I said bitterly. I didn't care if he was sick; it was his own fault.

"Don't be like that. Besides, I think it's the hotdogs Darry and Soda have been stalking in the fridge."

"I think it's what you drank." I said. I was stepping on thin ice now.

"Calm down. It wasn't that much."

"Says, the guy who passed out, and is now puking his lights out."

"Stop mouthing off Ponyboy Michael, or you won't sit for a week." He threatened.

With Sunny looked he didn't have the strength too. "Good night." I turned just in time to hear him start vomiting again.


	14. Chapter 14

"Sodapop, turn that crap off!" I shouted. All his new friends came over today. It seemed the Brumly boys had given Soda got the majority of the beating. Probably because greasers weren't hippies. Soda was actibg like a hippie. They had brought the Beatles new album over. My jaw nearly dropped when Soda agreed to put it on.

"Come on, it ain't that bad." Soda said.

"What's wrong with the Beatles?" Anna sat down on my bed. She was one of Soda's friends.

"They suck." I mumbled.

"You just aren't very open to new things."

I rolled my eyes. She wanted to say I wasn't open to trying new things, but I would bet my right arm she wouldn't be open to trying Soda's experimental cooking. I just ignored her. I threw my book aside, and went to attempt to turn down the record.

"Ponyboy, if you don't like it go in another room." Soda offered. He wasn't mad, I could tell this wasn't his first choice in music.

I ignored him and turned off the record player so you couldn't hear it. I couldn't even make it across the room before he threw his pillow at me. "Ponyboy, that's really rude."

The odd thing was that if this were Steve and Two-Bit. They would have sat on me before I could have even gotten to the record player. Or better yet, they wouldn't have been playing The Beatles at all.

"Turn it up, Jay." Soda said to his one friend wearing all black.

"Don't." I argued. "It's my room too, Soda." We agreed not to do things that the other doesn't like."

"Well then go in the living room. I'm supposed to rest all day."

I hated the way he was acting; it was like these people just brought out a Soda I didn't know existed. I began to argue with him. Squawking back and forth like we were four and six.

Someone smacked the door really hard causing us all to jump. It sure shut Soda and I up as well. I knew it was Sunny because Darry had to work. He was hung over from last night. "I think it's time for you guys to leave." He said gravely.

They all kind of just waved to Soda and ran out of the room. I guess Sunny intimated them. They were swooning over him when they first came over. They annoyed the crap out of him so he locked himself in his room.

"What the hell are you two arguing about?" Sunny rubbed his forehead. "You know what, I don't care. Just knock it off. My head feels like it is going to explode, and I am need to get work done. So stop arguing and turn your music down."

"Thanks a lot Ponyboy, you know their families are all welcoming. They were just trying to cheer me up. Between Sunny and you." He put more emphasis on the you part. "They probably think I have the rudest family in Tulsa."

"Yeah, well I think they are rude that they let people beat the crap out of you. I mean you have broken ribs."

"Ponyboy you don't get it. It wasn't like they threw me to the dogs. Jay had a black eye, buddy was all types of busted up. We did a protest."

"Do you get why you did that?" I asked.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Soda sat up fast and winced.

"No! But I think you made a stupid choice in friends."

"Ponyboy! You can be a real brat at times!"

"ENOUGH!" Sunny smacked the door hard with a belt. He started screaming at us in a different language. It was like he was really wasn't there. His body was but his mind wasn't.

I wished for the life of me that Darry would come home. He wasn't going too. Neither Soda or I moved. We were both too scared.

"Sunny, you aren't in Vietnam." Soda choked out. His voice was shaky.

"Yeah, it's just us. You're sleep walking or something." I agreed. I kept repeating that greasers don't cry over and over in my head.

The belt dropped. Sunny came back into his mind again. He looked confused and everything in his eyes. "Guys, I'm sorry." He looked so scared. "I'm so sorry." He said again. "I have to go for a run."

Sunny turned and took off running. When the front door slammed hard. "Come here, Pony." Soda said.

He stuck his arm out. I ignored him and stared at the belt. I wondered if he would have beaten the heck out of us if he wouldn't of snapped out of it.

"Ponyboy." Soda called again.

I slid off my bed and sat next to him. Soda looped his arm around me. He couldn't squeeze because of his ribs. "Are you okay?" He was shaking.

"Yeah, do you think he would have done anything?"

"I don't know."

"I wonder where he is going." I said. "I'm sorry for being a brat."

"It's okay, I don't even like The Beatles anyways." Soda said.

* * *

"Hi, honey." Sunny looked up from what ever he was baking. The entire house was cleaned.

After Soda and I had sat there for while, we had went to main street. One of his friends gave him a ride back to school to practice for an up coming concert. I went to the bookstore.

He threw a bottle of vodka underneath the cabinet. He at least never let us see that he was drinking alone. "There are brownies if you want them. They are cookie brownies. Thought it would be a nice break from cake."

"Thank you." I sat down at the table and cut some of his brownie. Sunny was a really good cook. He took over making meals the majority of the time.

He swooped down and hugged me. "You're welcome."

"Sunny, can I ask you something kind of personal?" I picked a cookies piece out of my brownie.

"Yes, anything." He said. Sunny turned around to face me. Dad had always did that. He never went on with what he was doing. He always faced us when we spoke directly too him. It drove me nuts when Darry didn't face me when I spoke to him.

"Do you remember what you dream about? When you have nightmares, I mean."

He smiled, but it was only because he didn't know what else to do. Even with his half assed smile he still looked like he had been punched in the gut. "Yeah, I do."

I shivered. I heard him scream like crazy, I remembered how scared I was when I had my nightmares, but I knew it would be worse if I were haunted by the memory of my dreams too. It was probably why he drank. "Do you dream about the war?"

He looked at his hands. I could tell he was embarrassed. I wanted to take the last question back. "I'm sorry, Ponyboy. I never thought this war would have a hard impact on you guys. I didn't know I'd go so damn crazy."

I got up to hug him. "I didn't mean it like that."

He was squeezing me hard. "I'm sorry. I'm working on everything. Do you want me to move out until I can get my shit straightened out? Will it make you more comfortable?"

"No, I don't want you to leave again. I just wanted to know what made you so scared."

"I'm sorry, baby." Sunny repeated. He was apologizing for earlier.

I looked up in time to see him wipe his eyes. I wanted to say something to him but the doorbell rang. He caught my glance. It had to be the people from the state. It had been over a month since they came last.

"It's okay, like you said Soda is at school, Darry's at work. The house is clean. Go answer the door. I need to rinse my mouth out.

I ran to open the door, but when I opened the door, it wasn't people from the state. There stood three men in full army uniforms. "Is Sunshine Shayne Curtis here?"

A/N: Not sure what I am going to do from here in all honesty. I have a lot of ideas. I don't think I am going to add any more characters. I know I want it to focus on the Curtis brothers.


	15. Creativity?

I sat outside my oldest brother's door, listening to him play. I couldn't figure out why I was in a musical rut, and couldn't figure out how to write a song, but Sunny could play music at any given time. I signed and threw my head back. I rolled his Purple Heart around in my hand. Pony had left to go to football practice, before he did he told me that three uniformed soldiers came and gave Sunny a purple heart. He threw it in the trash, and left to go for a "run" and then locked himself in his room and hasn't stopped playing guitar since.

"Is that it?" Darry's voice came from above me. He still had his tool belt on and his work boots. "Pony called to tell me what happened."

I nodded. "I don't understand why he isn't proud of it. I'd feel honored." I said.

"I don't know. Sunny is a strange one. Something bad happened to him over there. I don't know what, but he needs to work it out." Darry banged on the door. "Sunshine, open the damn door!" He demanded and then used both hands to knock on the door.

I grinned; I guess Sunny had rubbed off on Darry too. The music stopped and Sunny opened the door to his room.

"Have you been crying?" Darry asked. "Your eyes are blood shot."

"I'm fine." Sunny grumbled. He grabbed his Pepsi baseball cap off the bedpost. He put it on to shadow his face, so his eyes didn't look blood shot.

I wondered if I was really the only one that noticed that he was stoned.

Darry stepped in and sat down at the desktop. I sat on the bed slightly bouncing up and down. "How do you do that? Where do you come up with all that music and play like that?"

Sunny smiled. "It goes on in my brain, rolls out, down my arm into my hand, to my fingers and then to the guitar."

"Yeah, anyways." Darry interrupted. "Why did you throw that away?" He gestured to the Purple Heart in my hands.

"Because kid brother, that is where it belongs."

Darry rolled his eyes. It drove him crazy when Sunny called him kid brother. "You came home with a stab wound. How can you say you don't deserve it?"

Sunny started fiddling with the stuff on his dresser. "How I got it." He stopped for a second. "What when on, why I got stabbed was a mistake. I'm not proud of it. It's over for me. I don't need a fucking reminder."

"At least let me stick it by Dad's in the basement. Don't just throw it away."

"What ever makes you happy, I just don't want to see it."

I tossed the metal over to Darry. I watched as Sunny finished organizing the stuff on his dresser.

"You aren't changing my mind." Sunny said.

"I was hoping your creativeness, would flow to my brain."

Sunny laughed he sat next to me. "What's going on with you?"

"Being in school really sucks, and I have you three for brothers."

"You aren't dropping out, and what do you mean us three?"

"I'm not smart like you guys. Darry was worshiped for his athleticism. He is smart, and knows how and when to do the right thing. Ponyboy is so smart it's unreal, and he is good at art, sports, and writing. You are practically perfect too. I can't even do simple math, or write a song, and that is what I'm supposed to be good at."

"I'm so far from practically perfect it's. I couldn't do science in high school. You lift up the hood to my truck and I can't tell you a damn thing about what is going on under there. You can tell me it inside and out. My step dad paid to get my on my college football team. Soda, you are really athletic. You just aren't some odd freak about sports like Darry and Pony. Not to mention it Soda, you learned music really fast. I had to take college courses to know what you know."

"Yeah, but why can you just play like that. And I can't." I asked it.

"Because you haven't found your muse yet. Music doesn't come from lack of creativity. It comes from the heat."

"I guess." I said. I knew he was right. "Being creative helps."

"You're just stuck. Don't worry kiddo. It will come." Sunny leaned back in his night stand. "Here give this to your friends. It's the third installment "I Pledge My Allegiance", and it comes out in two days."

"Thanks." I grinned. "They will love this. Will you give me a ride to my open studio?"

* * *

I pulled up to the football field. I felt bad because to drop Soda off and beat traffic I was almost forty -five minutes late. I could see the coach. There was Pony running suicides. He had a weight. That he had to drop off at each line, run and then drop pick the weight back up. I bit my lip and got out of the car wondering what he did wrong.

"Keep it going Curtis." His coach screamed.

"What's going on here?" I asked.

His coach smirked at me. "Where is Darry?"

"I'm his legal guardian too. What is going on?" I demanded.

Pony's coach looked like a balding played past his prime coach. His gut stuck out over his pants. He was never with out a whistle and a clipboard. "He started a fight with the quarter back."

"Are where is the quarter back?" I questioned. I looked over an Pony who looked like he was about to keel over, but hell would freeze before he would allow that to actually happen.

"Home."

"Last I heard, it takes two to start a fight."

"Look, the quarter back said a few choice words to Ponyboy, Ponyboy took it too far. This all happened at the Dingo. But I will be damned if one of my players injuries another teammate."

I glared at him. "If that happened out of school property then Darry and I will punish him. You have no right. You have no right keeping Pony here and not the other kid. Ponyboy come on, it's time to go him." I waved to stop running.

"Keep going!" His coach screamed. "Anything these kids do is my business. I am their coach. They are a team and they will act like it. I don't single people out. I screamed at the whole team. But your brother's actions are a lot stronger than words. That is why he is getting punished. Not to mention I caught him with this." He threw my second installment of "I Pledge my Allegiance" "This is football, AMERICAN football. My players won't be a bunch of socialist delinquents."

"Ponyboy Michael Curtis!" I screamed. "Get over here! Now!" Pony listened that time. Me screaming was like Darry deciding to spank them. I turned back to his coach. "You listen to me." I said gravely. "If he does something while under your direct supervision, you can make him run all the laps you want. You can make him run with that weight on his head for all I care. But you will not, I repeat will not punish my brother for something you have no business getting into in the first place. And you sure as hell aren't going to punish him for my actions or my words."

"I'm sorry coach." Pony panted out. He was bent over with his hands on his knees

"It's okay son, I understand." His coach glared at me. "It's not your fault you have some hippie psychopath for a guardian."

Ponyboy shot up. "Don't call him! He severed his time, and he got a Purple Heart. Don't ever call my brother anything other than his name! I'll quit the team."

I smiled, Pony had take his coach by surprise. "I'm sorry." He wasn't sorry though. His team needed my brother. So he apologized.

"Let's go." I said to Pony.

It wasn't until we got in the car that I got a really good look at him. His hair was plastered to his head. His face was blanched. He looked like he was about to puke.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

Pony just nodded. I could tell he was embarrassed. "Why didn't you just let me run?"

"You aren't paying for my mistakes. I didn't even know you were reading my articles."

"They are more like short factual stories." He huffed.

"Are you sure you aren't going to puke? How much did that weight way?"

"Fifty pounds, and no, I'm not sure. That is our punishment, he makes us run suicides until we puke. We have to carry a weight to each line. Darry had to do it once."

"I'm sorry, I should have picked you up first and dropped Soda off last."

"It's okay." He answered.

"What happened anyway? Why did you start a fight with the quarter back?"

Pony starred at his hands. He drew his lips tight. He never reminded me more of Darry than he did now. "Am I getting grounded or something when I get home? I know you hate fighting."

"No, your coach punished you enough. I won't let Darry either."

I watched his face scrunch up. I realized he didn't even think about how Darry would react to him fighting with his team members.

"We won't tell Darry." I said. I didn't like keeping things from Darry.

"The quarter back is Bob's cousin. The guy my friend Johnny killed. He is pretty relentless about how I'm apparently a murder."

"Holy shit. I'm going to kill your coach. Come here." I tried to hug him but Pony just pushed me off.

"Just don't say anything, I want to just go home."

"Alright." I started the truck. "Thanks for sticking up for me."

Pony looked over. "You're my brother."

Darry took on look at Pony when we got through the door, and must have known. It wasn't until Pony had slept through dinner and we were washing dishes when he finally asked. "So, what did he do?"

"Well if I tell you, you can't say one word."

"Sure." Darry said.

"The quarterback is Bob's cousin. He called Pony a murder. Pony started a fight. Not to mention he got caught reading my article." I dried the dish Darry handed over to me.

"You know, I knew going back to school wasn't going to be easy, but I never thought people would be so ruthless to him. That age is hard enough, he shouldn't have to deal with that too." Darry rubbed his temples. "He can't just sock every person who says something to him."

"Believe me I know. But I don't even know what to do, or what to tell him to do. His coach said actions aren't as hurtful as words, but in this case it's words that are doing the damage."

"Pony should also no better than to bring anything with your name on it around Coach too. He served and played football for the army. He was an officer until he got wounded and had to end his career."

"It's not a dirty magazine, it's politics."

Darry laughed. "I'm going to pop my head in. Make sure he is doing his homework."

I picked up my beer and chugged the rest before tossing the bottle in the garbage. "I'll follow."

"Pony?" Darry knocked on the door. He looked back at me skeptically when he didn't answer. He pushed open the door and we found Pony asleep at his desk with his face down in his chemistry book.

I covered my mouth to keep from laughing. "Ponyboy." I shook his arm a little to wake him up. He groaned and rolled his head to the side.

Darry laughed. "Think that is why he is so smart?"

"Yeah, it just goes straight to his brain."

"Maybe you should give sleeping on books a try." Darry said.

I flicked him off. "Come on, baby. It's time to go to bed."

"Don't call me that." Pony mummbled

The phone started ringing. I looked over to Darry. "Which one?"

"I'll get the easy one." He said heading out to get the phone.

"Boy you can be stubborn." I shook him hard enough to wake him. Pony got up and then collapsed on his bed. I grabbed the covers and throew them over him.

"You smell like beer." He mumbled.

"Sunny!" Darry screamed from the other room. He screamed loud enough to make me jump and Pony sit up.

I took off running. "Darry you better be bleeding to be screaming like that!"

He wasn't bleeding. Instead he was heaving his chest; if he would have been a cartoon this would have been the time for his face to get unnaturally red and smoke to come out of his ears. "We need to go down to Soda's school. He just got caught smoking pot at his open studio."


	16. Chapter 16

"Take it easy, Darry." I said. I was weary about him driving in this state. "Let's just hear what Sodapop has to say."

"Do you not want to kill him? Because right now I am considering killing him."

I shifted in my seat uneasily. "I need a cigarette." I grabbed one out of my pocket. What I really wanted was a drink.

When we got to the school Soda and his friends Anna and Jay were sitting on the bench outside the principals office. There were four others, and I figured them to be parents. Soda was bouncing his knees nervously. He stared at the floor.

"Okay, I'm going to let them explain what happened. Where they got drugs. And why they chose to smoke on school property." The Principal nodded for one of them to start talking.

"It was my idea, Mr. Proctor." Anna began. "We just kind of wanted to stimulate our minds and escape for a little while. To see if we could come up with something better."

"It was my stuff. I got it from a guy at the record store." Jay continued. He looked over at Soda and smiled sympathetically. I could already tell this wasn't that kid's first time being caught by his parents with pot. They didn't even look that surprised. I could pick out his parents because he was the perfect combination of the two. "We coaxed Soda into smoking. He really didn't bring it, or ask to smoke. We didn't think we would be caught."

"What were you thinking?" Darry spat.

"Hold on a second." I whispered to him.

"I made them clean out their lockers. None of them had anything in their lockers. Thanks to these children's "heroes" they think they need drugs to stimulate their creative process. The reality is you three are probably the best students we have in the music program here." The Principal said.

Soda buried his face in his hands. I felt bad for him. Darry was probably the angriest he had ever been at him before. I could tell he regretted his decision to smoke.

"So what now? Are they expelled, the cops getting called?" Anna's mother asked. "Do I need a lawyer for my daughter?"

"No, they all have Friday school until the end of the year. I would actually prefer this incident be kept under wraps. Since this is a school focused around the arts, we have enough rumors about our school. They are also not allowed at another open studio for the rest of their time here. They can go home now." The Principal turned to Darry and I. "I know about your situation. I won't report this incident. Everyone makes mistakes, I hope for Sodapop's this is a one time deal."

"Thank you, sir." I said

Darry yanked Soda up by his arm. "This is the most stupid thing you could have ever done."

"I. I'm sorry." Soda stuttered the words out.

BREAK

Darry had screamed at me the whole ride home. I hated it. I hadn't even been in the car for five minutes before he had me bawling like a baby. Now we were home and not much had changed.

Pony had been waiting up for us. I was pissed that they didn't make him go to his room.

"Why Soda? Why did you do it, truthfully?" Darry paced back and forth.

"Everyone around me did it! I got curious." I said. It was the truth.

"Curiosity killed the cat. If everyone started jumping off bridges would you do that too?"

I felt something in me snap. "Shut up, Darry! You are making this way bigger than in has to be. You always do this! I said I felt bad, so just punish me for smoking weed, and SHUT THE HELL UP!" The room fell silent. Pony's face went white, and Darry just look shocked. I think I shocked my self.

"You are in enough trouble as is. You don't ever talk to him like that." Sunny's tone was serious.

I watched him reach for his belt. I had just gotten chewed out for a mistake he made, and he didn't do anything. I never considered myself to be a rat. That moment I wasn't sure if it was the anger or what. Once I opened my mouth I wanted to tell myself to shut up. I had ratted my oldest brother out.

"You still smoke?" Darry's voice was tight. That was scarier than him screaming. "Pot?"

"How did you find out?" Sunny asked.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to say that."

"It's okay, Sodapop. How did you find out?" He stepped toward me and wrapped his arm around me.

"You bought from one of my friend's brothers."

"What the hell!" Darry said. "Ponyboy, you need to go to bed."

"Are you serious?" Pony stepped out. "You have got to be kidding me. Wake up Darry! I'm not two anymore! This is the most dysfunctional family in Tulsa. You want to why Soda smoked pot? Because he is going through some stupid identity crisis, and because he doesn't know who his real friends are!" My little brother turned to look at. "It's not you, you don't smoke pot, you have no clue what is going in politics, because you don't like them!"

Pony looked back from Darry to Sunny. "What is wrong with you! You say your brothers are the most important things in your life, but then why would you smoke pot, why would you jeopardize your family! Is all the damn booze you drink not buzzing you good enough! What is wrong with all of you people? You are all so messed up it's unreal. I'm not having a bunch of dope heads for brothers, or a dope headed alcohlic. So just knock it off!" Pony bolted out of the house.

"Ponyboy! Get back here!" Darry ran after him, but Pony was a lot faster than Darry. "Shit!" Darry came back in. He was shaking. "I can't do this again."

He was referring to the time Pony left, and then the whole ordeal with Johnny went down. "Nothing like that is going to happen again."

Darry threw his hands up in the air. He glared back at Sunny and I. "Yeah, Pony is right you guys are dope heads." He turned his back to us and walked down the hall seconds later the bedroom door slammed shut.

Sunny already had a cigarette in his mouth. He wondered into the kitchen. I head the bottle clank.

"Sunny!" I ran after him. I wasn't surprised to find him in the kitchen. He only had a beer in his hand. I kind of expected him to either have vodka or whiskey. "Stop! Just not now!"

He took his cigarette out of his mouth and ashed it in the sink. His hands were shaking really hard. He held the bottle to me. "Pour it out. Pour them all out."

I took the bottle from his hand, and emptied it in the sink. I grabbed the rest from the refrigerator.

Sunny took a long drag from his cigarette. "You have to get rid of the cranberry juice."

I took the cap off the cranberry juice and sniffed. He had put vodka in it. The rest of us didn't like anything but orange juice or grape juice; so we never touched it to figure out what it really was. He got up, and went under the cabinet. He pulled out a couple more bottles and started to dump them in the sink.

"Sodapop, when I was playing earlier today. I wasn't high. That was years worth of hard work."

"But your eyes were blood shot?"

"Yeah, I was crying." He admitted.

"Oh, I thought." I stopped in mid sentence.

"Yeah I know, you thought it was the weed that made me play like that. You are actually a really good musician Soda, you are better than I am. If you took the time to listen to yourself, you'd realize that. You don't need drugs to be good at something you are already good at."

"I know." I emptied the last of the alcohol.

Sunny reached over he grabbed me by my chin, and looked straight into my eyes. "If you ever talk to Darry like that again. I mean ever in this lifetime. I will make sure you won't sit for a month. That is so disrespectful, and he doesn't deserve that." I could tell just by his tone that he meant it. I also knew I wasn't about to escape punishment for this time either. I might have delayed it, but it wasn't going to be avoided.

"I know." I said again.

BREAK

It had been awhile since I had stepped foot in the park. The last time I was here, Darry and I had gotten in a fight. Now, everything was just worse than before. I wasn't ready to see the fountain, or the jungle gym. I stayed on the other side by the swings. Everything was so different now; I thought with time it would get better, I didn't imagine it would ever get worse.

"What are you doing, greaser!" A deep voice said.

I jumped straight on the bench and whirled around. "I should have known it was you."

Tim tossed me a smoke. "Jesus, kid you about jumped straight out of your skin. That's to calm your nerves." He handed his lighter over too.

I lit the smoke he tossed me. "What are you doing here anyway?"

Tim looked at me like I was stupid. "I should be asking you the same thing. I thought you learned the hard way about not wondering around by yourself. "

I just shrugged; I had nothing to really say about it. Not to mention, I didn't want to say the wrong thing.

Tim looked me up and down, the same way Dally did when he realized I didn't have a coat at Buck's. "Do your brothers know you're here? Look kid, I don't want to be the one your two oldest brother's go after, because I saw you out here and didn't tell them."

I snickered to myself. It was nice to know that even Tim Sheppard didn't want to take his chances with Sunny and Darry. "Then don't tell em'." I said feeling like I was suddenly warped back in time. "Besides, my family has some problems. I don't want to be around them."

Tim let out laugh, but it was scary to see him laugh. "Shit kid, every family has it's issues. Your family seems like a safe haven compared to mine. Go home. Face what ever it is. You don't belong out here."

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm a greaser." I said.

Tim leaned foreword and smacked the back of my head. "For a quite kid, you sure have a mouth to you, and for a smart kid, you sure are stupid. You're not a hood. You might think you are hard kid, but your not. Thinking you are, is going to get you killed faster than Dallas Winston got shot. I heard what happened to your friend Mark. You got it rough kid, but it's nothing you can't work through."

"I'll go when I feel like it." I said taking a step back. I was acting a lot braver than I really was.

"Don't get jumped, kid." Tim said as he walked away.


	17. Chapter 17

I starred up at the clock. It was amazing that time seemed to speed up when you were sleeping, but when you are wide-awake and worrying minutes feel like hours. I had already smoked almost an entire pack of cigarettes. I figured Pony would have made it by curfew, but a half hour later he still wasnt here. Soda had been in his room, since our conversation. I had made a round of calls; my stomach was throbbing. My head was already pounding and my hands were trembling.

Hes late. A familiar voice said. My head shot up. If Darry was still pissed, it didnt show every ounce of anger was now replaced with three ounces of worry. Darry was a worrier, and it showed on his facial expressions.

Calm down. Im going to give him five more minutes, then I am going to hunt him down. I patted the place next to me on the couch.

Darry sat next to me but he wasnt looking at me. Im going to go crazy if something happens to him. He was shaking a lot harder than I was. I cant.

I know, Darry. I cut him off and threw an arm around him. Believe me, I know.

Whyd you come back? If living with us was so bad? He found a place on the wall to stare at.

My substance issues have nothing to do with you guys. Alcohol was a demon I never faced but should have a long time ago. After the war, the flash backs, and everything; it was like my anger management had just left me. I stopped for a minute when I heard my voice crack. I somehow thought medicating myself, would be better than dealing with my problems.

Thats the stupidest thing, I have ever heard of. You should have gone to the doctors or something.

I tried to talk to my parents. They dont want anything to do with me right now, because of my views about politics.

I heard him heave his breath out. You didnt need your parents to walk into a doctors office.

God, I wanted a drink. Damn it, Darry! You have no idea, this isnt easy. I kicked the coffee table. I was about to start yelling, but the phone rang. Hello

Thats not very friendly. It was a voice I had hear but couldnt put a name to it.

Who is this? I dont have time for games.

I dont want to play a game. I just wanted to inform you, that Pony was at the park, east end by the swings. Its Tim.

I bit my lip down. Thanks. I appreciate it. Ill go get him.

I hung up the phone. Darry, Im going to get Ponyboy. Hes at the park.

Darry jumped off the couch. Maybe I should go.

No, this thing, this is my fault. I got my keys and hopped in my truck.

I pulled to the back parking lot. It looked above the swings. It was kind of odd, because Pony was just sitting on the swing. He looked like the lonely kid on the playground. I guess right now he was.

I walked down the hill toward him; he jumped of the swing and turned around. I could tell he was already annoyed. What are you doing here?

What do you think? Its after your curfew?

I dont need one. Im not a little kid anymore. He said.

Then why are you acting like one? I asked digging around in my pockets for a cigarette.

Why am I acting like one? Im the only one that can be honest anymore.

Ponyboy, relax your tone. I quickly added please. I didnt want to be set off from him, I wasnt sure if I was capable of controlling my anger.

Everything you said back in that living room was right about everyone. But if you want to be treated like an adult, you have to act like one. Running out like that, and scaring the shit out of Darry; thats something a kid would do.

He shoved his hands in his pockets. You guys just dont get it. This isnt what things were like when you were my age.

I bit my lip. Once again, he proved his point. Youre right Pony, the reality is Darry and I dont want you to loose your childhood, and yes I say childhood because that doesnt end until your out of college, and have actual responsibility. These pass few years; its been hell for you. I guess we thought that if we treated like you were a kid, then youd be one.

Life isnt that easy. Im not a kid anymore; you guys need to stop treating me like it. I dont know how I have to prove it to you.

Ponyboy, I know you feel grown up, I get your going through a lot of changes and other things. But believe me, you dont want to grow up this fast. Youre right you arent two, but you also arent an adult yet. But Ill give you the choice. You can stay here, or you can come home, and as a family we can talk about this. I turned around and headed back to the car. Ill give you five minutes.

I sat in the car waiting for him. I shut my eyes, and almost prayed that he would come. I really wasnt in the mood to deal with all this. I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles went white. The car door opened; Ponyboy slid into the seat next to me. The car ride home was silent. When I had my brothers piled into the living room, you could cut the tension with a knife.

Alright. It was the first time where I was at a complete loss of what to say. I jumped out of my chair. Guys, who I was before I came here. I wasnt a good person. I stopped talking and tried to collect my thoughts. This was a lot harder to explain than I thought. I always turned to drinking when things got rough for me. It was just never a problem before. Then after the war, my anger management went away. I did some horrible things, some really horrible things; that I will never forget. They haunted me even in my sleep; things just triggered them. When I started lashing out on you three, I was afraid I was going to really hurt you guys. I felt tears roll down my face. I tried to wipe them away, but it didnt work Shit. I threw my head in my hands.

Its okay. I felt Ponys arm come across my shoulders.

I looked up at the ceiling. I dont want to hurt you guys. I smoked grass to take the edge off. I need to get my stuff straightened out. I cant be in this house until, it Im right again.

Where are you going? Soda asked. You cant just leave.

California. I have too Soda, I cant put you guys at risk, you havent seen the worst of my temper. You cant be here when it comes out.

So, youre going back to your parents? That doesnt make sense! I heard Ponys voice crack.

No, Im not allowed to go back. I tried to go there for help, but with the articles Ive been writing, they dont even want to speak to me right now, much less help me. Im going to a place in San Francisco. I can get some help there. I stared at the floor.

What if this place cant help you? Pony asked.

I bit my lip. Then I cant come back.

Why cant you just stop? Darry asked.

Darry, fucking look at me. You see this. I held my hands out that were shaking. I cant stop, until I drink something.

When are you leaving? He asked.

In three hours. I got up to pack my stuff. I needed to get out of there. I threw everything I could thing of in my suitcase.

How long are you going to be there? Darrys voice came from behind me.

Im not sure. I said turning around to face him. Im sorry, Darry.

Its nothing you can control. His voice was tight. I just wanted you to know that you can always come back. Even if you arent fully cured, no matter what your views are about anything are. Youre always going to be our brother.

I didnt know what to say. I just hugged him hard. It didnt take long for Soda and Pony to join in. Here, this is the check book it has my bank account to the rest of my trust fund.

We cant Darry started.

Take it. I demanded. That has more than my savings with what I earned from working.

How are you paying for everything? Pony asked. He had a concerned tone in his voice.

The money from selling the Cadillac. I dug around in my pockets for the keys to my truck. Darry, here let Soda drive you old truck.

There was a blast of a car horn. They all looked up at me for answers. Thats my cab.

Call us when you can. Pony hugged me.

I kissed the top of his head, and grabbed Soda. You guys better be good, and think about Darry before you speak or take action. I hugged Darry. I have to go, I love you guys.

I was almost to the living room when I heard Darry say Looks likes it is just the three of us for a while.

A/N: I want to apologize because in the last chapter I forgot to go back and replace the word break with divider lines. This is the last chapter. I feel this story is finished. I may write a really short sequel.


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